Cut the Smut: Teaching Your Son to Guard His Eyes

“Mom, can I look at this?”

The answer should have been an easy yes.

In an ideal world—and perhaps even in a decent world—I would be able to rest easy in my son’s perusal of the Sports Illustrated magazine while he sat in the allergist’s waiting room, confident in the knowledge that the sports magazine contained only…well, sports.

Unfortunately, the world isn’t ideal, and is drifting further and further from decent. And so I couldn’t let my son flip through the magazine until I first checked every page.

I finally handed it to him after neatly removing—you guessed it—a full-page picture of less-than-half-dressed women.

I’m sure my experience doesn’t surprise you. Morality is rapidly declining in our culture, as evidenced by entertainment, print media, the Internet, and more.

Pornography has never been more loosely defined—nor more accessible.

Celebrities think nothing of snapping nude selfies and posting them on Twitter for all the world to see.

The commercials for most sitcoms are profane and vile. I can’t even fathom the filth contained in the actual programs.

Is it possible to raise pure-hearted sons in such a world? 

By God’s grace, I do believe it’s possible. But it’s a pursuit that requires parents to be both vigilant and intentional.

When training our sons in purity, it’s helpful to “mind our P’s and Q’s”—with a few more letters thrown in for good measure.

Teaching Your Son to Guard His Eyes

1. Protect his eyes for him.

• Choose carefully what magazine subscriptions you purchase.
• Be alert to advertisements and catalogs you receive in the mail.
• Avoid browsing underwear or swimsuit departments when he’s present.
• Take the long way around the food court so you don’t walk by the lingerie store in the mall.
• Carefully monitor activity on electronic devices.
• Turn over the tabloids in the shelves of the grocery checkout.
• Fast-forward through television commercials.
• Set healthy boundaries for Internet use.

In short, be ruthless about keeping inappropriate images away from your son. 

2. Qualify yourself.

This is not an area in which we can afford to have a “Do as I say, not as I do” attitude.

Ask God to give you a renewed sensitivity toward that which is impure and a repentant heart toward any sin you’ve allowed to infiltrate your heart. And then expect Him to answer by revealing areas in which you’ve compromised. Recommit to your own personal purity.

3. Reinforce the “why.”

As important as it is to teach our sons the difference between right and wrong, that’s only part of the story. Make submission to God part of your family culture, sharing with your children frequently that God is to be obeyed and that His commands are for our good.

Study together what God has to say about sexual purity. Have discussions with your kids about the beauty of God’s design for healthy marriage—a design that is enhanced by the personal purity of both partners.

4. Start conversations.

I believe one of the most critical things parents can do for their children is to foster an environment of open and honest conversation. Invite them to talk with you about absolutely anything they have a question about.

Don’t shy away from important discussions just because they make you feel uncomfortable. I’ve found these books by Luke and Trisha Gilkerson to be an outstanding source of guidance for discussions about sexuality.

5. Train him to guard his heart.

We won’t always be around to tear pictures out of the Sports Illustrated. Even as we’re protecting our young sons, we must do so realizing that it’s a short-term endeavor. They must be trained to guard their own eyes and hearts.

Gently encourage your son to look away when faced with a tempting image. Don’t berate, but simply remind him. Teach him that while some temptations are common to the male gender, he should develop an awareness to what specific situations he finds tempting.

If he confides in you about these temptations, don’t shame him. Instead, help him brainstorm some ways he can conquer them.

6. Undergird him in prayer.

The biblical account of Samuel’s childhood has been a powerful encouragement in my efforts to raise a godly son in the midst of a perverse generation. You see, Samuel was raised in a culture not unlike ours, yet he still grew up to be a godly man.

The Bible doesn’t state this outright, but my personal belief is that this was due in large part to the prayers of his mother. You can read more about that here, but the main point is that your prayers make a difference in the lives of your children. Consider praying these Scriptures for your son’s purity, and then trust God to work on his behalf.

My son is only eight years old, so I’ll probably keep tearing pages out of the Sports Illustrated for a while yet.

But I’m encouraged by the simple question he asked me that day.

Because by asking “Can I look at this?” he conveyed an understanding that not everything is good to see.

He was enlisting my help as a partner in his purity.

And he was yielding to my God-given authority over him.

While we have a long way to go, I think that’s a pretty good start.

How about you? How do you teach your son to guard his eyes? What dangers do you see in our culture, and how do you train him to conquer them?