You are enough.
This syrupy-sweet statement haunts me.
When my son innocently inquires for umpteenth time, “Mama, when you get rid of Lyme disease and feel better, do you think we can…”
I feel like an errant mother not able to keep up with my kids. Not able to participate in so much of life that I want to because of my physical limitations and illness.
You are enough.
This statement condescendingly mocks me.
I get frustrated with kids who don’t obey and send them to the other room, or I put them in front of the TV instead of correcting them and dealing with the matters of their hearts. I don’t instruct when I should. I don’t spend the time teaching them when I should.
You are enough.
It’s a patronizing statement.
Why? Because I know I’m not enough.
I fail. Time and time again, I fail. I don’t want to fail. I plan to do good by my children, but I fail them. I fail my husband. I fail my church. I fail my neighbors. I fail.
And yet I still hear the mantra, “You are enough.”
Don’t get me wrong: I get why people think they need to hear those words. We all need to be reminded we are God’s special creations. We are unique. We are God’s image-bearers. We are daughters of the King. This gives us a dignity we cannot possibly overstate.
But this hardly means we are enough. If I was “enough,” it would mean I was equal to what is needed, fully meeting the needs or expectations of others (or even myself).
But I don’t. I never have been enough. Never will be.
Cheer Up, Wretched Woman
Really, the mantra should be: I am not enough, but that’s okay.
I identify all too well with Paul when he says:
For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?
– Romans 7:19-24
Can you identify with this? Deep down, don’t you realize that as much as you want to be enough, as much as you want to never fail your family, you will. You will fail because of the sin that dwells within you.
Can you picture Paul (after writing this) staring at a cheesy inspirational poster of a man climbing a mountain, silhouetted against a sunset, consoling himself as he whispers “I am enough“? Not even close.
How did Paul find his consolation? Instead of finding consolation in his own enough-ness, in his very next breath Paul said, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). No, mom, you aren’t enough, but Christ is, and you belong to Him.
It is only when we realize how not enough we are that we can really celebrate how amazing Christ is.
The late Presbyterian minister Jack Miller used to sum up the gospel in the most fitting way:
Cheer up! You’re a worse sinner than you ever dared imagine, and you’re more loved than you ever dared hope.
I am not enough, and that’s okay.
I see the I-am-enough mantra fly around on social media all the time. I see it on blog posts. I see moms speak this phrase to other moms. I watch videos of Trace Adkins telling Sarah Drew in Moms Night Out she is enough.
And I get it. I get that it’s meant to be an encouragement—and maybe on a superficial level, it is. But I think most of us know we’re not enough for our families. We know it’s just a self-serving lie—a lie to make us feel better about ourselves.
Maybe me saying this will make you angry, but hear me out, moms. When you come to the realization that you’re not enough—that you never can be enough—it’s so freeing. Knowing we are not enough, we can point our families to the One who is.
I’m glad my boys aren’t solely dependent on me, because I’m sorely lacking and I’ll fail them. I’m glad they have someone bigger in their life that I know will not fail them.
Inevitably, I will fail my family. You will fail yours.
But not only do you not have to be enough, you also don’t have to tell yourself you are just so you can feel better about it.
In my better moments, at best, I am a window to the One who’s love is perfect. In my worst moments, I am a reminder to my family of how Christ must be their first love, their true Father.
Dear mothers, be encouraged. Be encouraged in knowing the God of the universe is in control and His love is never-ending. Direct your sons and daughters to Him and He will not fail them. He will be enough.
Be encouraged.
Christ is enough.
Thank you Trisha for sharing this! Often I find myself in this battle of feeling like I HAVE to be enough, do enough, etc. And when I fail or feel like I can’t I just want to run and disconnect all together. The lie that we could be possibly be enough to be everything to our families carries a huge weight of pressure, one we were never meant to carry.
You’re so welcome Crystal! I hope this encourages you as you strive to serve your family and serve God. We don’t have to carry all that weight on our shoulders!
Yet, isn’t it part of the lesson of life to fail, forgive and move forward? Isn’t the fact that we show our children that all of us fail, need to seek forgiveness, a contribution to being enough? I sincerely don’t think this author wanted to accept that she is enough, she was still striving to BE enough. She didn’t let go of the crazy expectations of perfection that we place on ourselves. Enough, doesn’t mean all, no one can be all their children need. Enough means the amount of good faith effort to do right, you are capable in that moment to put forth, is just that, Enough. It’s tough when you have a physical limitation that is out of your control, not to hold yourself responsible for the things you cannot accomplish as you once did. Especially when that involves your children. I hope the author finds some peace with her situation, and can stop emotionally beating herself up for not being the picturesque mother she wishes she was. Because, no one is.
Hi CE – I’m not sure if you read the complete article or just the introduction, but judging by your comment it would appear you didn’t really read the full article. Part of the point of the article was just that – we can’t do 100% of everything. We can’t be everything to our children. But God is enough and God will never fail. The point is to remind mamas of that fact so they can be encouraged to lay all of their cares on God – the one who will always be enough.
Trisha, I am pretty new to you and your husbands blog but I was putting together my wishlist as I prepare for schooling my three girls. We have already used some of your Write through the Bible curriculum and love it. Your work has been a blessing to me and my family. When I read this post and your previous one from April about your Lyme story my heart ached for you and your family. My nine year old was diagnoised with Lyme four years ago. Long story short, God used some people in our lives to bless us by sharing the work of Stephen Buhner,author of Healing Lyme. As a follower of Christ I believe God has brought us through a trial, sharing with others who are struggling is my opportunity to praise Him. I would love to share more and be a blessing to you. Please feel free to contact me with a private email if you wish. Blessings, Nichole
Thank you so much Nichole! I’ll be sending you an email soon. I’ve talked to a number of people about what worked/didn’t work for them. I love to learn through others experiences since this horrible disease doesn’t seem to have a cut-and-dry solution. This is why I’ve been sharing about lyme journey all along, in hopes that it will help provide bits of information to others looking. Thank you for your offer to share what you know with me! I can’t wait to hear more from you.
Thank you. Assuming I didn’t fully read the article because I don’t agree with the conclusion. I thought an altering perspective would be appreciated. Seems not to be true. Wish you the best.
CE- My apologies for making an incorrect assumption. It wasn’t my intention to offend you. I was hoping from this article that fellow Christian readers would be encouraged to look to God to “be enough” and not to self. I believe that’s truly the essence of relying on Christ in our lives.
Thank you for this reminder that I’ll never be enough, and I’m not supposed to be. Being a mom is hard, and I don’t have to have it all figured out. He’s with me every step of the way. Grateful for grace!
I think if we mom’s adopt this way of thinking we can learn to give ourselves more grace when we do make mistakes. Thank you for the encouraging post!
Visiting from Mama Moments Monday!
Oh, this is so absolutely right! The other mantra I hate is, “the sky is the limit.” Actually, no. It’s not the limit. I am not a bird. I am a person whom God created to be firmly on the ground, in a path that He set forth for me. The sky is quite beyond my limit. And the moment I start to forget that and start reaching for that mythical sky-limit, is the same moment I’ve let my pride get in the way of me living out my calling with Christ at the forefront of my life. Not to say that we shouldn’t strive for goodness or success. But seeking God’s wisdom in all things before we go after our goals is where we’ll find contentment, I think, rather than a finicky urge to “reach for the sky” (said in a cheesy Buzz Lightyear voice). lol!
Yes! That is another one that is a fallacy we spout off. My husband and I actually have a list of phrases people commonly say that just bug the bejeebers out of us. This one is one of many.
God can give us SO much more comfort than what this little phrase offers. We need to learn to speak truth to ourselves and to one another.
Well said Trisha. It’s a worldly philosophy straight from Satan which also annoys me and it’s everywhere. As a born again, bible believing Christian I don’t believe it for one moment. If I believed I was enough I wouldn’t need my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. I’m not enough, not by any stretch and I need Him every minute of the day. Who would want to raise children without Him? Not me!
God bless,
Lynda.
Amen! I couldn’t agree with you more.
What a gift to others struggling with this. I was sick with Lyme / Fibromyalgia for ten years when my children were younger and can identify with all the fears you so eloquently expressed.
This.
“When you come to the realization that you’re not enough—that you never can be enough—it’s so freeing.” So on spot. Love it.
May you be encouraged as you hear from others how your pain and struggle has been used by God to speak His truth and His provision. It has such a redeeming quality about it.
Thank you for your comments Christi! It does encourage me to know that my words are able to encourage others to look to Christ. We need to continue to encourage one another with the truth from the Bible!
This is so true & encouraging, even as a grandparent. I also love that you point out the lies in these common phrases which many unfortunately believe or think they should. Thanks to God for His wonderful grace!
I have always felt the same way about that quote! No, we are not enough – but CHRIST is! Oh, how we mamas NEED HIM! Thank you for your precious honesty and encouragement here. I needed it today!
Also, have you read the book Mom Enough? It’s by several different authors… It’s message lines up with your heart here very well. I think you would love it! God bless you in the days ahead, sister!
I haven’t heard of the book, but now I”m going to have to go look it up! Yes, we need Him. We need to encourage each other to cling to Him and the hope He offers!
But I am enough. For the exact reasons that you would say that I’m not. I am a beloved child of God. Cherished. His word deems it to be true. And though I get your sentiment to encourage others to come to Christ i believe he would honor you to do so by reminding others that His perfect love can filled that void and His perfect plan has us exactly where we need to be. We need to trust that we are enough. That Gods truth and grace will fill us up to the brim! We will all fail. We all come to sin. But he doesn’t offer condemnation. He offers hope. I am not perfect. I am flawed. But I am enough. I hope someday you will see that you are as well. May God bless you and grow you in your ministry! Much love!
Kristine
Hi Kristine,
I sincerely hope that I NEVER believe that I am enough. You see, anything that points us to self-sufficiency and away from leaning on Christ is damaging. It is God who saves me and sustains me – not me, I’m not enough to do that. There is nothing good in me (Romans 7:18). It’s only Christ Jesus that can do anything good through me…but never will be my flesh do anything worthwhile. And I praise God that he has chosen to work through me. What more encouragement could I ever need?
Amen, Trisha. This is a perspective the world, and apparently the Church, sorely needs. Thank you so much. It’s refreshing to see someone else understand the beautiful freedom of knowing we can never be enough, but God is!
I just a read a blog this morning on my inbox entitled “I am enough” and it left a bad taste in my mouth. Soon after, I saw your blog in my inbox and title read “You’re not enough” I just chuckled. I understand what the previous author was trying to say but again I feltl like it pointed to self-sufficiency. Thank you for your post. I am never enough. Yes I am a new creation in Christ but it’s “in Christ”, never on my own. Blessings!
Ha, how is that for irony! Thank you for your kind words 🙂
I watched that movie, and I completely took away a different message all together. I remember being in tears after watching that section because it spoke to me so deeply. I believe moms have the hardest job there is – being pulled in 100 directions and wanting to do and be the very best for their families. From that, the enemy gets his foot in easily and continually lies to us telling us we don’t measure up, and we’re not good enough. God doesn’t tell us that. God encourages us by reminding us He loves us even though we’re not perfect. There’s nothing more we can do to earn it. We are enough for Him. By hearing “I am enough”, I am encouraged. My heart immediately goes to the one who created me, and thankfulness and love overwhelms me. Out of His love for me, I’m able to be more content and present with my family as we live life together. Do we all need Christ to help us through this life? Absolutely. Should we be pointing others toward Him instead of ourselves? For sure. But for moms to feel the weight lifted off of them when God whispers “I love you how you are”, I don’t think is a bad thing at all.
I think the thing to remember though is, God never says the we are enough, but that our sins are covered by Jesus sacrifice and that HE is enough despite our wretchedness. We must understand our true nature – the Bible says all our works are like filthy rags, there is no one righteous among us. It is only Christ and Christ alone who is “enough”.
I hope we can encourage each other as Christian sisters in the truth that is preached in the gospel – we aren’t enough, we never will be, but praise be to God that he has given us the One that IS enough!
Yes. It’s SO easy to believe the lies of this world, and be led away from God! HE is enough, I am nothing without Him. Not through works or deeds, intentions or hopes, can I EVER be enough. However, His grace props me up and fully supports me. I can rest in that grace and allow God to direct my actions for His glory. Thank you for your divinely-inspired reminder!
Yes, we need to keep reminding each other this as sisters in Christ! It’s so easy for us to forget and try to rely on our own strength.
I read this when you first published and felt what you were saying. Seeing it again today I am reminded of a oost that turned into a book to teen girls called “Enough”. I believe in that case it was buding up girls so they knew they were precious in God’s sight even when they can never meet the world’s criteria. Have you seen that? It’s also known as 10 Things For Teenage Girls.
I haven’t seen the book. I’ll be looking it up though! Thank you for sharing 🙂
Thank you Tricia so much for your encouraging article! Your opening statement hit very close to home with me. I too have had a chronic illness that has made me very sick over the last couple of years and sometimes it’s very difficult to properly respond to the phrase “when mommy gets better”. God has been so gracious though to put me through this trial that strips me of myself and my strength and points me to him! I love the statement by the Presbyterian preacher. Your blog and recipes have been a wonderful resource as we have been making very big health changes as a family! Praises to our wonderful Savior!
I’m so glad I can be an encouragement. You are so right, we need to remember the trials in this life are there to point us to God. Such a good reminder! Thank you for your comment. I’ll pray for you as you deal with your illness. Blessings friends!
That is so kind of you to pray for me! Thank you! I too pray for you!
Thank you for this.
You are welcome 🙂
I didn’t realize when I opened this window earlier today, to read it after the kids are in bed, how much it would resonate with me. Oh, do I ever feel like a failure so often.
I know this, but it’s good to read it. Thanks.
Keep leaning on God mama 🙂 He will take care of you and your family.
So good:) and I am so glad I am not enough. Because I need Him every second!
Amen!
I just came across this article, Trisha, and it really resonated with me!
I was just sharing a similar message with my 16-year-old daughter a few weeks ago. She’s regularly being inundated with the message that she is “enough,” and while I understand that this is meant to be encouraging, I don’t see it as a biblical message. We are to realize how much we need Christ, not that we in ourselves are “enough.” He is enough, and if we are in Him, He will give us the grace and strength needed for each day.
Thanks so much for writing this!
Thank you for your kind words Joy. It really is a message we (especially as women) begin to receive from a young age. Your daughter should be thankful she has a mom who can remind her of these biblical truths and encourage her to always lean on God! 🙂
This is wonderful. I’m always reminding myself that I am weak, and that’s okay, because I am dust and I am nothing without God. I can do nothing without Him. I think it helps keep me humble when I remember just how weak I am compared to God. I need His strength because I have none of my own. I am not good enough to get into Heaven on my own. I need a hero, I need a Savior. I am not ashamed to say that I am weak because it’s the truth and it magnifies Him and His might all the more.
Amen!
YES, Rachel! I’m over here boasting in my weaknesses, too. His power is made perfect in our weakness! Praise God. An awareness of my weaknesses is one of the greatest gifts He has given me. I am rarely tempted to claim glory when I know He’s the One working in and through me! And He is! That is all my confidence and hope… and what a tremendous hope!
I love this article I to know I am not enough. I’d like to ask you about your journey with Lyme? I ended up in ER last summer and got dignoised with Lyme. I had bulls rash and all. Did antibiotics for 5 weeks and they said I’ll be healed but may take close to a yr till I get back to normal totally. But I’m still so tired and depressed. Any advise?
You need to find a lyme literate medical doctor. Treating lyme is not an easy for fast process and you need a very good doctor who knows what they’re doing to help you out. I’d suggest going to the ILADS website and searching for a doctor there.
Yes! Great post! It’s so freeing when we realize that our goal isn’t to be good enough but to acknowledge and praise the only One who is truly good.
Hmm. I think I both agree AND disagree. It depends on how we’re filling in the blank at the end: enough FOR WHAT? If we’re talking about enough “to please everyone,” then no, I’m not enough. Or enough “to never let anyone down.” Or, for that matter, to not let MYSELF down.
But I tend to read “you are enough” as another way of saying “If the foot should say, ‘Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,’ that would not make it any less a part of the body.” What I am is enough, what God made ME to be; I don’t have to be someone or something else/different.
I really appreciated the article, but I also really appreciate this comment. I have always tried to be like my super productive friends who manage their large families and huge responsibilities so well, and I have always failed. My husband has often had to say, “You are not (name of friend), and that’s okay.” I think, “Yes, but if she can do it, I should be able to too.” I have finally had to come to the conclusion that my 20+ year fatigue isn’t likely to go away any time soon, and I try to be what God has allowed me to be. We are all so unique, and we have to learn to live with our uniqueness in a way that will honor God the most. Thanks to both Trisha and to Rachel for your words.
Thanks! Great article to read at the end of Mother’s day. I relate. God is the “enough” that I want my kids to know and see in me. I’m a human with mistake making built right in, just like the precious children He lent to me. I felt very human today with frustrations pushing at my limits. On Mother’s day of all days! Thanks for another great article!
Here is it, Lord! Those exact words of Paul’s and this new motto for women I’ve been trying to reconcile for awhile now. Every time I try to shove them together, it’s like my heart grinds in the wrong gear. . But the fact that it’s so hailed by good Christian women made me hold my tongue and keep pondering. You are brave and discerning to face it.
I understand what they mean. Maybe the language is just faulty. But those words are pointing a younger generation to a sinking pothole of self preservation.
The more I believe I’m no match for this ugly world and my ugly sins, the more I see my need for Jesus.
My life has too many issues. I’ll crumble and hurt someone thinking I’m enough.
When I keep in the front of my mind, I desperately need Him , I’m driven to Him- Who supplies all my needs, Who leaves me with no wants. And what victory in that thought! I don’t have to be enough. Because I have Jesus!