Fatigue. Aches. Pains. Weight gain. Despite making healthier and healthier decisions, it seems like I continue to be plagued with increasing difficulties. I shared about this recently in both an email and in my post 10 Motivations for Healthy Eating.
I’m sad to say, this really seemed to resonate with a number of you. I wouldn’t wish what I feel like many days on anyone. It’s not fun. And if you’re reading this, you know it’s not fun.
I’ve received a number of emails, all asking basically the same question… “How do you do it all?”
I don’t.
Even on the best days, even if I was feeling 100%, I don’t think I could do everything I want to do anyways. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day for me to be the perfect housekeeper, wife, mother, teacher, whole foods cook, work at home mom, and volunteer. It just doesn’t all happen.
1. Prioritize
What must happen in your daily life? What are the most important things? For me, one thing both my husband and I agree that must take priority is our children’s education. If we’re going to homeschool, I’ve got to set time aside time to do this and do it well. Sometimes that means other things go on the back burner.
• That often means the house doesn’t look the way I’d like for it to look. It means that my husband rarely comes home to a completely tidy home.
• Dinners are simple. Sometimes we get take-out for my husband and kids if I’m particularly exhausted. We try to make wise take-out choices and get the healthier options for my family when this does happen.
• I don’t always have time to respond to emails and comments on the blog in as timely of a manner as I’d like.
• Sometimes the clean laundry piles up in baskets waiting to be folded throughout the week until the weekend when I finally have the time and energy to get it done.
What are your priorities? What are a few of the things in your life that must be on the front burner? What it is for you, isn’t the same as it is for me.
2. Get Help
If you’re struggling with chronic illness or fatigue, it’s so important you ask for help. You can not do it all. It’s important to decrease stress and give your body a chance to heal. Decreasing hidden sources of stress like toxins and food sensitivities is important, but for the sake of this post I want to talk about the stress of all of the “stuff” that has to get done.
I don’t know about you, but when my house is a disaster and I feel like I’ve not been able to keep up with things – I feel stressed out. Here is how I’ve been able to handle some of that stress.
• I have a housekeeper come to my home once every other week. Once upon a time, I felt a little guilty about this. I’d have never admitted it on such a public forum. Oh, the horror! A stay-at-home wife and mom who has someone help her clean her home?! I figured everyone would think I was a total slouch. No more though! Think me a slouch if you must, but I won’t give up my housekeeper. If you can fit it in your budget, I’d encourage anyone dealing with health issues (or anyone who just would rather spend more time playing with their kids than cleaning their toilets) to get someone to help them with cleaning. It’s a huge burden lifted off of my shoulders to know that my house gets really well cleaned from top to bottom at least every-other-week.
• We have a few different people who help us out on our blog on a part-time basis. My husband and I used to try to do everything ourselves when it came to this website. That worked out OK for a while. But, our little piece of the online world has grown larger than we can handle on our own.
• I often pay one of my younger sisters to babysit for me once a week. This gives my husband and I time to get out of the house alone. I love my kids, but having periodic time to just be with my husband and be in a more quiet and calm environment is good for my soul.
• Having my husbands support and help right now has been especially important. I can not say enough good things about him. If ever there was a super-husband, I have him :). My husband has really bent over backwards to do what he can to make my days easier. He watches the kids in the morning and lets me sleep in until he goes to work. He comes home and is always willing to help me with whatever needs done. If I’m totally exhausted and feel like I can’t go another minute when he comes in from work, he completely takes over and tells me to go to bed. Yeah, God is pretty awesome to bless me with him.
What do you need help with? What would ease the stress in your life? Are there people you can hire to help you? If you can’t afford to hire someone, do you have family, friends, or church members around you that would help out? Even if you think you don’t, I’ll bet there are people in your life who would be blessed to help you.
3. Shortcuts
Sometimes we need to make shortcuts. For me, this often happens with food and personal-care items. If you follow this site, you know our family has been on a journey to make healthy changes. Sometimes, that means a lot more work in the kitchen. It means a lot more time making items that you wouldn’t ordinarily think of making.
How this has worked out practically, is that I’ve been trying to take short-cuts that many not be 100% ideal, and may cost a bit more money, but are energy savers in the long-run. A few examples:
• I don’t always make homemade yogurt right now. Sometimes, I just pick up organic yogurt at the store.
• I often double or triple meals, so I can have leftovers to put in the freezer. I also used a subscription to Once-a-Month meals to help me get a month of meals in the freezer. This has been a huge help. It was a lot of work, but the subscription took all of the planning out of it and had meals that were 100% compliant with my strict diet.
• I used to make my own laundry detergent, but lately I’ve been using eco-friendly and chemical-free soap nuts and wool dryer balls.
What shortcuts can you take that won’t compromise you or your families health?
I want this post to encourage you if you are struggling with fatigue or health issues. I want to encourage you to think through some of these things, pray, talk with your spouse.
You have to give up the supermom myth.
You have to give up the myth that you can do it all.
Figure out what you can do to ease the burdens of every-day living while you are doing the vital, and necessary work of rest and healing your body.
Thank you, thank you so much, from a burned out, overwhelmed, SAHM homeschooler who keeps feeling like a failure for thinking I can’t do everything I need to do, and certainly not without a babysitter and housekeeper. I’m falling apart from trying to do it all without help.
I hate hearing about others feeling the same way, but I think there are more of us than we realize!
Sounds like you know it’s time to get help and/or cut back on some things. We can NOT do it all. Praying you are able to get some rest and figure out a way to let go of some things!
As a homeschooling mom of 9, 6 in school and 3 toddler/preschoolers, 6 weeks into debilitating morning sickness, your post spoke to me. It’s nice to know we are not the only ones in this boat, though I don’t wish chronic illness on anyone. Normally we make homemade granola or hot breakfast, but oatmeal and Cheerios have been our shortcuts lately. Which was a benefit today. Crummy weather, sick mom, cranky kids lead me to having my 13 year old help the little ones make Cheerios necklaces and bracelets. Smiles for the next hour! My husband lost his job same week my morning sickness kicked into high gear. He is usually all hands on once home from work, this time different as networking, job searching, taking odd jobs for family and friends whatever hours and “fix-it” jobs they needed done and also trying to build a hobby into a small business to bring in extra income. Very different from every other time I have been I’ll with new baby. Extremely stressful. But, thank the Lord, he started a new job yesterday, we will have insurance before baby comes. (Using Medi-share in the interim, but they don’t cover maternity if you are already pregnant when enroll) And after reading about Pink Stork Morning Sickness Solutions on RaisingArrows.com I am trying and have actually been keeping food down within 48 hours of starting, a full 3 days of decreasing nausea now! I am very grateful for the time in between babies when I was training my older kids on cooking, cleaning, sibling care, laundry chores, etc. 9, 12, 13, & 15 year olds are extremely helpful and since they don’t know any other way of living due to pregnancy sickness being the norm every year to 18 months they don’t give much attitude over pitching in! They all love the new baby already and are excited which is a blessing. It would be very easy for all of us to be bitter for all the disruptions to our nicely planned school year, but we aren’t. Though I do secretly envy those woman who glow and blossom during pregnancy while I whither, fade, sleep, puke, have migraines, suffer unending nausea for weeks on end, cry and moan ALL the time! So for now we are flying on auto pilot and it’s not pretty, but everyone is clean, healthy and fed though maybe not the way I wish, and we will survive!
Oh, I can SO relate to your pregnancy. With all of mine I suffered from hyperemesis (severe morning sickness) to the point of hospitalization with my twins. I wasn’t the happy, glowing pregnant mama.
Take care of yourself mama. Be thankful you have those older kiddos to help out with the littles while you are getting through this pregnancy. You’ll have to keep me updated on how the Pink Stork Morning Sickness solution goes. I’d like to hear if you continue to do well with it. I’ve never heard of it!
Hi,
I really enjoyed the article! Can definitely relate. I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome lll, and been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I too have refined and refined my diet and just got worse. Then I found out I have a Candida Albicans overgrowth. I’m doing the diet and taking antifungal and already feel better 5 days later (except when I feel worse due to the die-off). Just thought I’d share, many blessings!
Carrie
I’m glad you’ve found a reason for some of your problems and have been feeling some relief. I pray you continue to feel better and better 🙂
I wanted to say THANK YOU! This has helped me tremendously, just to know someone else is facing the same problem as I, is nice. But u really encouraged me when I needed it most, God bless u!
I’m glad this could encourage you at a time you needed it. Blessings!
This post resonated with me and I’m sure it will with many other Moms. I think sometimes we feel like we can’t do it all and get down on ourselves or become overly stressed. You share some good tips on how to not let that happen! I shared this on my blogs FB page. Have a great weekend. Stopping by from Your Modern Family.
Thank you for sharing Susen. It is so easy to get overwhelmed, I hope it can be a blessing to other moms!
My best friend found your web site, and after looking around a bit, she sent me an e-mail about it. She said that she thought I would really enjoy your perspective (and she was right!). I battle with health problems on a daily basis, and it doesn’t mean I can’t have an AWESOME life, I just have to make my own mold so to speak. Whenever I try to be like someone else, I run myself into the ground and suffer consequences for weeks. I look forward to reading more of your blog and learning and growing along with you.
Thank you for sharing – I love your attitude. Yes, we can still have an awesome life, and one that honors God despite our struggles! Thank you for that reminder. It’s one we all need to hear.
This was a very timely encouragement. Thanks Trisha. I recently injured my back – something totally new to me – and although I tried to keep going for a few weeks, I had to finally submit to the Lord who was saying to me ‘Slow down…slow down…SLOW DOWN!’ So, with a little paid help from someone saving for a mission trip (win, win!) and my dear husband doing all the washing up and more, and friends from church bringing meals, I am finally getting the rest I need. Reading this today is such good timing to remind me that I am not alone! God bless you, Sheena (NZ)
God bless you too Sheena! Praying your back heals and you are able to return to full-functioning at the right time.
Wow thankyou so much for this post! I’m a single mum to 5 of which 3 have special needs / autism and I often feel like I’m burdened to be the perfect parent or even both parents, burnout comes too often too easily and I guess my biggest issue is that I worry what people will think if my house is a bomb site – think ww1 ww2 combined some days lol, I also have health issues the joint pain makes it hardest and I’m so thankful for the people and things like your blog that God places in my life! I’m praying I’ll not care so much about others opinions and de – supermum myself a little as the capes now getting threadbare lol thankyou God bless x
You have your hands full mama! None of my kids are special needs and I have an extraordinarily helpful husband and there are days my house looks ransacked too. I don’t like for people to see it either, but you’re right – we have to let go of what people think and focus more on what God thinks. Focus on the most important things.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this post! I’ve never commented before, but this really spoke to me and I’m grateful that in the midst of chronic illness you take the time to encourage others who may be dealing with it also. I nearly gave up homeschooling due to chronic 3-day long, severe migraines this summer. It would take me two days to physically recover, then two days to recover the house. Most weeks I only got one partial day of schooling in. I really had to learn to let go of all my ideals of what I thought my home, schooling, and meals should ‘look like.’ Learn to trust in God’s calling on my life to do this, and know that He will provide all that is needed, in the right season. God’s grace is sufficient, even for me! Praying for you as you seek Him to carry you through this time as well!
Thank you so much for sharing. That encourages ME to hear how you’ve leaned on God during the trying time you’ve had. I pray you’ll be healed from your migraines. I can’t image dealing with such severe headaches that you can’t function. But, you are right – God will give us just what we need and I pray through these trying circumstances he draws us close to Himself.
This post came at a much needed time. I have suffered from autoimmune issues for the last 4 years, including debilitating fibromyalgia. Recently we discovered that I needed to go gluten free, dairy free, and soy free and my youngest also had to go GF and DF – in addition to other MAJOR diet restrictions (of about 200 foods I can eat approximately 30). We are slowly trying to work some of the foods back in, but it is a dietary mess (which is how I found your site). My homeschool year has been a wreck – including changing curriculum mid-year (even for my high schooler). And I’ve been at my wit’s end with my 6 year old special needs (2 physical altercations yesterday which my body can’t handle). There are days my husband suggests putting the kids back in school because he thinks it would be “better for me,” but I know it’s not better for them. We’ve been trying to fit a house keeper into the budget and I have babysitter help 2 days a week, but sometimes it doesn’t seem like enough – especially when my husband travels (like this week). Thank you for your words of encouragement – glad to know I’m not the only one who can’t get it all done.
It sounds like you’ve had a very difficult year. Diet restrictions are so hard when you’re exhausted and trying to feed your family. I’m glad you at least have the help of a babysitter twice a week since your husband travels – that must be terribly difficult! My prayers are with you. I am so glad this post was encouraging and I hope gave you some helpful ideas on how to move forward.
You’re right: there are often lots of people willing to help. Often they just don’t know how to help or what to do. So you have to tell us. Oops. I mean “them.” You have to tell “them” how to help. 🙂
Thank you sweet friend <3
As I was checking my email tonight, I finally had time to go through it in depth and came across your newsletter from Nov-16 (that will show you how busy I have been:). When I received the email 2 – 1/2 months ago, I didn’t have time to read it, so I pushed it into my “for later” folder. Obviously that can really be quite later sometimes. But God knew what He was doing. I found the email and the title just jumped out at me–“Creative ways to keep from losing your cool with your kids.” I opened it up, but the first thing mentioned in the email was this post and I got sucked in immediately. You really spoke to me tonight. I really appreciate it so much. It is always encouraging to know that there are others out there going through similar times and trials as myself. I just found out that my husband and I have our third bun in the oven. My oldest is only about to be 3 in a few months (and doesn’t seem to want to be fully potty-trained). My other just turned 1 Christmas Day. And now we have about 7 months until there is another little one making dirty diapers, spitting up on me, and being absolutely beautiful and worth it all. Alot of people that know me think that I have super amazing pregnancies and that they are difficulty-free because I don’t complain all the time. The truth is, however, that I have alot of pain from the Rheum. Arthritis, Scoliosis, Chronic Migraines, and other problems. But what helps me is keeping my focus on the miracle going on inside of me as this new baby is fashioned and made inside of me. Yes, I have alot of pain and complications–I nearly had a breakdown a week ago from fear of what I would likely go through based on my pregnancy/delivery history. But God is so good. He will always get me through. And He will always get you through. Thank you for sharing from your heart on this matter. I really needed it to bring my focus back to where it should be.
I’m so happy to hear that you came back to this email at just the right time. Stay encouraged! You are right, God will carry you through the difficult times.