Let’s talk about ‘Heart to Heart’ Time with Your Spouse.
After almost 14 years of marriage, with 5 pregnancies, 3 beautiful children running around our feet, and the odd trial (or more) that has affected the maturity and character of our marriage, we are still committed to both work at growing and investing into our relationship for the better.
In the midst of all that fills our lives at present, particularly with young children, I think sometimes we get too casual with growing closer and being intentional about feeding our love for one another. Some days my husband and I can put our heads on the pillow without having really connected—besides talking kids, money, house, and work. We’ve gotten no deeper than asking how each others days were.
We already have ‘Heart-to-Heart’ nights with the children once a week. And now we hope to add times of heart connection with each other where we can share freely, and grow in trust and love for one another. I’m so hungry to do this!
To make this ‘Heart to Heart’ time with your spouse work properly, make sure you set the time aside exclusively just for the two of you and with as much quiet and freedom from distraction as possible. Come together with a willingness to listen and hear, be humble of heart, be courageous to trust one another, remember not to correct or react to answers that are more difficult to hear, and allow yourself to become vulnerable enough to bare your heart to your spouse.
Heart to Heart Time with Your Spouse: 50 things to ask each other
Here I’d like to share with you some starters for a heart-to-heart time with your spouse. Some of these questions are light, but others are a little more thoughtful. Hopefully these will provide a starting point for opportunities to laugh, cry, pray, and most of all, connect and grow closer.
- What are some books you’ve really enjoyed?
- What books would you like to read sometime?
- What are your favourite foods?
- What did you want to be when you grew up?
- What is some of your favorite memories from your childhood?
- What are some of the more difficult memories from your childhood?
- What are you favorite hobbies?
- What did your parents teach you that you appreciate now?
- What did your parents say or do that you found difficult?
- Who is someone that inspires you?
- What do you like us doing together?
- What would you like to do together in future, just the two of us?
- What would you like to do together in future, all of us with the kids too?
- What is your favorite passage of Scripture?
- What is your favorite memory verse?
- What are your greatest strengths?
- What are your greatest weaknesses?
- What overwhelms you?
- What is concerning you?
- What are you fearful of?
- Are you content at present?
- What makes you happy?
- How can I add to your happiness?
- What do you find attractive about me?
- When did you know you wanted to marry me?
- What are some of your favorite memories of us?
- How do you like me saying ‘I love you’ the most—words, gifts, or touch?
- How can I demonstrate my love for you in different ways?
- What do I do that irritates or frustrates you?
- How can I help you be a better husband/wife?
- How can I help you be a better father/mother?
- How can I better meet your physical needs and desires?
- How can I better meet your emotional needs and desires?
- What can I do to encourage and support you better?
- Where do you see us in 5 years time? In 10 years time?
- Is there anything in your heart that you need to forgive me for?
- In what ways do you think we love differently?
- In what ways do you think we parent differently?
- Describe to me your relationship with God at present.
- Tell me about a memorable time you connected with God.
- What do you love about each of our children?
- What hopes and dreams do you have for each of our children?
- What are you most thankful for?
- How have you changed since we married?
- What do you like about our marriage?
- What would you like to change about our marriage?
- What spiritual gifts to you see in me?
- Is there anything you regret?
- Tell me something about yourself that I may not know.
- What are some of your greatest hopes?
Heart to Heart Time with Your Spouse Wrapup
I hope these 50 questions helped you and your spouse have some good quality conversations. I hope this post inspired you to have some high quality ‘heart to heart’ time with your spouse.
Victoria Boyd is a wife, mother, and follower of Jesus. She is passionate about all sorts of things such as worship, the written word, intercession, justice issues, family history, raising children and indigenous peoples. Find her writing on homeschooling, faith, homemaking, parenting, and natural living at www.homemakingwithheart.com.
I. Love. This. Can’t wait to do it!!!
Me too. I need to have a good old fashioned date night with my hubby!
I asked my husband (whom I have been either dating or married to since I was 12 years old–now approaching 40) a few of these questions, and our answers to each other were a bit surprising. I was VERY glad I asked. Thank you for reminding me that we should always ask and that problems can be avoided when expectations are understood! God bless!
Thank you so much for stopping by. I’m happy these questions could spur you and your husband on to some good discussion 🙂
We went to a marriage retreat called Retrouvaille, and do an exercise called Dialog, where we pick a question, and write out answers, then discuss them. These will make excellent questions for that! Thanks for the list!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! Thank you!!! Shared with my readers, too. Asking and answering questions with my hubby is one of my favorite ways to connect. Having a list like this is such a blessing. 😉
I’m glad you liked it! I hope your readers do too 🙂
i have to say i was skeptical opening this page. Ive read few others that are on questions that touch the surface and we have talked about many times. I have to say these are great!! I will actually keep this as a reference to refer to and plan on asking most of these. Thanks!
I could really use this because we rarely have heart to heart talks anymore and I miss them.
Good! I hope this spurs on some great conversations 🙂
These are all great questions to help kickstart healthy conversation. The part about humbling yourself, being courageous, vulnerable, and not reacting negatively to your spouse’s answers is very important. Free expression is key. Even after 24 years of marriage, I was surprised with some of my wife’s answers. In the midst of our crazy life’s(raising kids, jobs, bills, etc.) we forget about what really matters. That being the relationship with our spouse. The one person we will spend the rest of our life’s with…
This is really helpful. Thank you
Though I am not a follower of Jesus, I still find your posts informative and meaningful. Thank you!
I have been married to my husband for 20 years, together for 23. He has recently moved out telling me he is not happy anymore. He loves me but is not in love with me. He is really unwilling to talk to me about our problems. Do you think me just randomly texting him and asking him some of these questions, if he will participate, help us reconnect?
Very concerned I have lost him for good
I’m so sorry to hear about that, Donna. How saddening. If your husband is willing to dialogue with you, I think that’s a good thing, but texting might be a very impersonal way of communicating.
I never realized how much I didn’t know about my husband until we went through these questions. We wrote them down first and discussed them together. We just got married in June and we have a way better understanding of our desires and needs. We plan to do this exercise every year and dedicated it our ‘annual work on our marriage date’. It’s life changing so long as you are open to understanding and humble with your words. This was wonderful, thank you so much for taking the time to put this together! God bless you!
This would be a great exercise if I could get my hubby to actually take it seriously. He replies to almost every question with, “I don’t know”, OR “I’m not playing this game” if he thinks it’s a trap or trick question. Most of the time he refuses to answer questions in general….even simple stuff like, “What do you want for breakfast?” or “Are you hungry? Can I make you something to eat?” I ask because we dont have a lot of money and he’s picky so I dont want to make something and then see it wasted, but if I press him even the slightest bit, he won’t eat at all.
I’ve tried talking to him about it, but after I’m done pouring my heart out he has no response or feedback. It’s very frustrating. Other than this, our marriage is great and we hardly ever argue.
We’ve only been married 2 yrs and it worries me that this kind of crap is happening already. I already miss him enough because he’s a trucker and gone a lot, and when he’s home, everyone else is in line to spend time with him, or ask him to fix this or do that. I feel like I need to make an appointment with him!
Suggestions?