Abortion is an uncomfortable topic for many. Today it is an issue that straddles the moral, religious, and political spheres. But as parents, the last thing we want to do is shield our children from the hard questions this issue raises.
We are raising our children to live in a world full of strongly held opinions, and more important than simply telling our children what to think, we want to teach them how to think about contentious issues.
To do that, our children need to be exposed to the rhetoric (good and bad), used on all sides.
1. The big cop-out for men: “It’s a women’s issue.”
I want my boys to know they can’t cop-out of this issue by saying it’s a “women’s issue” and thus have no opinion.
Abortion isn’t just a women’s issue; it’s a human issue. If you’re a human, it’s an issue that impacts you. Our children need to understand this is too important of an issue to ignore.
I want my boys to learn to stand for the rights of those who can’t stand for themselves.
I want them to learn to stand up for the helpless, the marginalized, those that are discarded and seen as unimportant. I want them to know that a noble man, a man of virtue, is a man who stands up for the rights of others without regard to how it impacts them personally.
I’ve known too many men in my life who have used this excuse for non-involvement—and it absolutely infuriates me. I can’t respect a man who uses this cop-out. Have an opinion, know what and why you believe it, and stand firmly for it. I don’t want my sons to pull this wishy-washy stuff and say they have no “right” to an opinion.
2. Human life begins at conception—any dummy can tell you that.
When our children interact with the world, they’ll encounter all sorts of lies. One such lie that many spout is that a fetus is not a human life—a baby.
I have a degree in Biology, but you don’t need one to know this. It’s unequivocal. When a sperm and an egg meet (in humans as well as in any species of animal) a life is created. Things either are living or inanimate—they have a capacity for growth and development or not. Clearly, an embryo has a capacity to grow and develop.
My sons will not be duped into believing otherwise. If they are to decide later in life they are pro-choice, they must come to grips with the reality that the act of abortion is an act of violence to a human being. The act of abortion ends a human life. It kills a baby.
When pro-abortion advocates are honest, they’ll admit this—and they do.
Judith Acrana, fervent abortion supporter stated:
I performed abortions, I have had an abortion, and I am in favor of women having abortions when we choose to do so. But we should never disregard the fact that being pregnant means there is a baby growing inside of a woman, a baby whose life is ended. We ought not to pretend this is not happening.
Even prominent third-wave feminist and pro-choice advocate Naomi Wolf agrees: arguing for abortion on the basis that a fetus is not a life is ridiculous (and not one that advances the goals of feminism anyway).
How can we charge that it is vile and repulsive for pro-lifers to brandish vile and repulsive images if the images are real? To insist that the truth is in poor taste is the very height of hypocrisy. Besides, if these images are often the facts of the matter, and if we then claim that it is offensive for pro-choice women to be confronted by them, then we are making the judgment that women are too inherently weak to face a truth about which they have to make a grave decision. This view of women is unworthy of feminism.
No, my boys will not be fooled into believing that a fetus is not a human life.
3. All human life is sacred.
It is a poverty to decide that a child should die so that you may live as you wish. – Mother Theresa
It is not for us to decide whose life is worth living. The pro-choice segment of society would argue that some life is more valuable than others. This simply isn’t true.
My boys must learn that despite the inconvenience, the heart-ache, the disruption a pregnancy may be to a woman, the life of the mother is not somehow more important and does not usurp the life of the baby growing within the mother.
- Abortion shouldn’t be tolerated when a mother feels incapable of being a mother.
- Abortion shouldn’t be tolerated when a mother fears a baby will ruin her chance at a career or school.
- Abortion shouldn’t be tolerated to reduce the number of babies a mother is carrying inside her.
- Abortion shouldn’t be tolerated when the baby has a physical deformity or disability.
- Abortion shouldn’t be tolerated even in the instance of rape or incest.
That’s right: Abortion shouldn’t even be tolerated in the instance of rape or incest. Two wrongs do not make a right.
The brutal, disgusting act of rape does not make the vile act of murder right. As difficult as such a pregnancy would be, abortion should not be condoned. I don’t want my boys to be insensitive to this plight, but I do want them to understand that life is a gift from God and it is not our right to snuff it out.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Psalm 139:13-15 (ESV)
4. We need to be proactive in our stance against abortion.
Abortion is too important to only have an opinion. If we do nothing, who will? They must wrestle with who is standing for the unborn in this great holocaust our country has committed.
All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. – Edmund Burke
What does this mean? How are we to be proactive? That is something for each family and each individual to wrestle with themselves.
Does it impact our spiritual life? Most certainly. Every family should be fighting this on the spiritual battlefield in prayer.
Does it impact the way we educate others? Yes. We need to be educating those around us. We need need to speak truth in a dark world and give hope to those we speak to.
Does it impact our political choices? Yes. But our children will also be taught that this issue isn’t merely about party politics.
If our children end up Left of us on the political spectrum, we want them to stay true to the roots of Left politics. A hundred years ago, fighting against abortion (not for the freedom to abort) would have been the cause of the liberal. The Old Left was characterized by giving a voice to the voiceless, helping the struggling poor in the slums in the wake of the Industrial Revolution. Since the 1960s, the New Left has redefined oppression to the point where it is fighting on the wrong side of its own philosophy. I agree wholeheartedly with what liberal author Mary Meehan writes,
The unborn child is the most helpless form of humanity, even more in need of protection than the poor tenant farmer or the mental patient or the boat people on the high seas. The basic instinct of the Left is to aid those who cannot aid themselves—and that instinct is absolutely sound. It is what keeps the human proposition going.
I pray we raise up a generation that will fight ardently for the rights of those that cannot fight for themselves and will become fierce leaders of action.
We can support, with money and time, the pregnancy centers that work so diligently to support pregnant women in difficult situations.
As parents, it’s important we train our children not only with words, but with deeds. Walk the walk. Show your children and talk to them about how you are working to support the rights of the unborn.
5. Approach this issue and women involved with love.
I don’t want my boys to approach this issue with condemnation and bitterness, but with a sorrow, love, and support.
I want them to weep the millions of lives lost.
I want them to have empathy and love for pregnant women going through difficult times and facing difficult choices.
I want them to approach women who have aborted a child with forgiveness, compassion and support—with no spirit of condemnation or harshness.
I want my boys to understand this critical truth: the fact that abortions happen is a reflection of something bigger that is wrong with our society, that in many ways our world has failed women and that women are settling for less. Abortions will not stop simply because they are outlawed. We must help to create a world where no woman feels the need to end the life of her child.
Women deserve better than this.
So does the child in their womb.
Great post! One that needs to be shared and read by everyone. I shared it on FB and on Pinterest to help spread it.
Thank you Dollie 🙂
I just shared it on twitter
What are your thoughts on women who are mentally ill who seek out abortion? Women who would be pushed over the edge by a pregnancy and could become a danger to themselves and/or others? Sadly, laws do not provide provisions to keep these women in a facility until they can birth and the only other option is for them to crack, commit a crime and land in jail. I would be interested on your opinion.
Hi Angela,
That is an interesting scenario to contemplate. I want to note first of all, that I’m writing this without a full understanding of all of the laws that are out there that address these issues. But, you’re right, from what I understand both our laws and society don’t give these women the support they need. Ideally, such women would be surrounded by friends and family who could support her during stressful times and we would have laws that would protect both her and her baby. We obviously, don’t live in that ideal world though.
In our current system, there are 1000’s of grassroots organizations that have sprung up all over the United States for the sole purpose of providing support to women experiencing difficult pregnancies. These organizations are bridging the gap where family systems have failed.
Though this is obviously a difficult situation, I still believe that it is wrong to take the life of the baby inside the mothers body even if that baby is bringing about mental distress for the same reason that I don’t approve of people killing 5 year olds because they cause a family undue mental distress.
I’d be curious to know what statistics there are out there regarding mentally ill women and the negative impact of having abortion? I believe this could be an even greater and longer standing issue, but again I’ve not seen any statistics on this.
I’m fairly certain little research has been done. Particularly on abortion and where certain issues fall with it. It should be done but because its such a common practice the people running the show don’t see any long term ill-effects. I can speak first hand as somebody who has been through one. It was the most devastating thing ever. It was on the doctors opinion that I have one, so of course you are going to listen to a medical professional yes? No, I shouldn’t have. 3 months later I got pregnant again, only to have to go through a D and C because there were complications due to my poor decision. I have since had 2 beautiful children but I should have went with my gut or got some type of second opinion. Apathy and ignorance isn’t an excuse 🙁 But I do know several women (in being in counseling) that were/are mentally ill and were told by their providers to get an abortion because of the inability to care for another. It just seems wrong to me. Social services even tells women who are drug addicts to get abortions and then forces them to have a tubal-ligation. Its a sad, scary world we live in. I pray for it everyday.
This is a great list Trisha. Do you have any insight on how to initially talk to your kids about abortion and what it is and entails? At what age do you think it’s appropriate to teach kids what abortion is?
Thanks Sara. I think whenever you think it’s appropriate to talk about death with your child would be when a child can grasp the understanding of abortion. This will vary from child to child. I don’t think it’s necessary when kids are young to talk about the nitty gritty of how abortions are happening, but to talk in simple language with them about what it means. Opening these conversations when they’re young and continuing to talk about the implications of abortion on individuals and society throughout their growing up years is so important.
We ended up talking to our children about it as a result of conversations that arose after I miscarried. They were pretty young for such a deep conversation, but the benefit for us was that, as they were struggling with the loss of their sibling, they were better able to understand what the cost of abortion is.
We’ve had similar conversations with our children after we had a miscarriage. This is a good teachable moment—from an unfortunately sad situation.
This is a really great post! I agree with titus2teacher…everyone should read this.
This is my first time here and this is SUCH a great post! Abortion is one of the issues we MUST not be silent about. THANK YOU! 🙂
Stephanie
Thank you for stopping by! I appreciate the kinda words 🙂 It’s a topic that I feel very passionately about.
This is such an articulate post, Trisha. I absolutely agree. Thank you for writing this!
6. The decision of an abortion should only be made between the woman, the family (if applicable), and the doctor. NO ONE ELSE. Not you, not me, and not a politician.
By “should” do you mean legally or morally or both?
Both!
“The decision of an abortion should be made by…”
I believe you’ve left out two very important people: The father, when available.
And the baby being aborted.
Oh, wait…
The father doesn’t have to carry the baby, and risk his life giving birth. I do not like abortion. But I firmly believe that it should be safe. Outlawing abortion won’t stop it. It will just end two lives in the process. Sadly, while I’ve enjoyed reading the posts on this page for several months now, I am having to move on.
Hailey,
We are clearly coming at this from very different worldviews. It is my contention that life is sacred and that no one, not even a mother has the right to take the life of her child.
Furthermore, it’s interesting as I was looking at some different stats from the CDC it appears a woman is much more likely to die as a result of a legal abortion than she is from giving birth or from carrying a baby. Mothers need to know that they’re not only sacrificing the life of their baby, but they’re putting their life in a precarious position as well. Not to mention all of the fertility problems that can and do occur because of abortion should the woman decide down the road she desires a baby.
Of course, even if this wasn’t the case I still would not be in favor of abortions for the reasons stated above.
So, you think the father should have no say in the matter, even though the child is half of his DNA? I find that argument quite problematic and shortsighted…to say the least.
Also, If you have enjoyed the page, why not just skip over the articles that you don’t agree with. You are not going to agree with everything that someone writes. You can have a difference of opinion and still enjoy the page.
Both!
I find it sad that, even as society wants to berate men for being so inconsiderate of the mother and unwilling to take responsibility (which, yes, does happen), men who are willing to take care of their woman and baby have no rights to do so. I have heard testimonies of men who are devastated and broken and in pain because their wife or girlfriend had the baby murdered and as the father, they had no way to protect their own baby. These men were shattered and helpless to do anything. The men are not always the villains in the story.
I wholeheartedly agree, L.
GREAT post!! It’s important that we as parents stay as involved in our children’s lives as we can. It’s our God-given responsibility to teach them, love them, forgive them and guide them…after all, God does that for His children 🙂 I stand firm on the grounds of abortion being murder…regardless of the situation!! Stand strong and teach your boys the truth!!!
Thank you for your comments Mrs. B! 🙂
What if there is a horrible birth defect that the child may not survive…and it it does then the quality of life would be poor..what then?
Even if a child has has a horrible birth defect, they are still a child. They still do not deserve to be ruthlessly killed within their mothers womb. Not to mention, there are plenty of instances when prenatal testing is wrong and parents have perfectly healthy babies when the doctors told them they wouldn’t (but that’s just an aside).
Even if a child is born with a birth defect or will die shortly after birth, what greater love can we show that tiny one than to be able to be loved, how ever shortly, by a family?
I knew a couple who had incorrect testing. They didn’t believe abortion was an option, and it turned out that their son is perfectly healthy. Regardless, as I sit here with my little guy asleep on my shoulder, I can’t help but grieve for all those poor babies who never had the chance to feel their mother’s arms around them. Even if their lives would have been short anyway, they never had the chance to feel a loving, comforting touch.
There is a family that went through something very similar. When their 3rd child was conceived, they discovered through some tests that she had a condition called Trisomy 18, a condition which means, essentially, the baby will miscarry or die soon after birth. They chose to continue the pregnancy. This blog walks through their experience.
http://www.rarerubyjean.blogspot.com
My sister in law has a baby (who is now almost 5) just like you describe. He was born with a chromosomal disorder and was born blind, deaf, with kidney and heart problems and with eating issues. They had the opportunity to abort, but chose something better. We don’t know how long Hunter will be with us – they didn’t think he would live beyond a year – but I can’t imagine life without him. It’s been a tough road and part of my their working it all out has been to make a some videos to help others in similar situations. Here are the first two, https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCh3vk8a-JcQnak1iCFZoYgw, by the way, Hunter can now walk on his own. It truly is a miracle.
Thank you for sharing this story, Angi!
That is wonderful that your family chose life. But you cannot force other families to want a baby with those issues. I would not want a baby like that and most people would agree with me.
Hey Stefanie, I’m not sure Angi is “forcing” anyone to do anything, and I’m not sure what in her comment would lead you think that.
I am a teacher. Most of the special ed teachers I know say they have or would abort a baby that had severe issues. Due to their job, they see the struggles families have and the quality of life for the child. Obviously, every family has to make their own choice but it was a perspective I found interesting.
Interesting perspective, yes. But it also speaks to the priorities they have as well. Most would not use the same logic for a mentally disabled 5-year-old because they know such would be taking a human life, but something has convinced them human life in utero does not have the same value. I’m not sure why this is, exactly.
I agree with you. I would not want my baby to suffer. Just selfishness on the part of the parents, in my opinion. I would choose mercy.
When murder is considered merciful. Interesting.
Hello! I’m a post-abortion care specialist. I want to hug you! Thank you for being real and honest with your children. God bless you!
Thank you so much for stopping by and THANK YOU for what you are doing as a post-abortion care specialist. What a special job you have ministering to women.
It is so sad that abortion has become so commonplace. These are five great truths and I loved how you spelled them out so clearly. Bless you, Amy
Yes, indeed! This what I want my son (and any future children) to know as well. May God use us – and our sons – to open the eyes of others as we continue to affirm the sanctity of all human life!
We recently took our youth girls from church to the local Pregnancy Support Center. I was shocked after our visit to hear that several of the girls (in middle school) had never heard of abortion and didn’t know what it was. I don’t think their parents were doing the right thing by shielding these girls. Thanks for raising your children to be part of the solution.
Great post. I posed this scenario to my children: What if, one day, the police came to your door, looking for your dad?. Apparently, he had committed an awful crime and was missing. When they couldn’t find him, they decided to arrest you instead. You were tried in his place, found guilty, and sentenced to death. Of course, my children thought this was completely unjust, as all of us would. I then posed this question: then why is it okay for a child to be killed when his father has committed a rape? Many say abortion should be allowed in the cases of rape and incest. Why must the innocent child pay for the sins of his father?
So to clarify…If someone broke into your home and raped your 13 year old daughter, and she became pregnant, she would have to bare that child according to your views?
No, she would not HAVE to bear the child, she would be given the opportunity to bear the child. Much learning, forgiveness, and drawing closer to God can happen in some of our darkest times. I have no doubt it would be incredibly difficult to watch my daughter go through such a terrible time and would be even worse for her, but I know God works greatly in the midst of heartache.
All this said, I think it’s also important to remember that abortion happening after rape or incest accounts for less than 1% of all abortions occurring within the US.
I’ve never once heard of a woman who chose to carry her child after a rape or invest, that regretted the decision to do so. Every account I’ve heard or read said that it helped free them from the trauma and that it was proof that something beautiful and worth while can come from something so ugly and painful.
No, I haven’t either. Very good point.
More than likely, the born child will suffer anyway
Thanks for standing up for the babies!
It is a passion of mine.
This is subject near and dear to my heart and I’m so thankful you are talking and sharing about this in such “real” terms. I appreciate the “no sugar-coated” version and that you didn’t shy away from from rape, incest, or disabilities.
I have a son with moderate-severe autism (2nd born) after I had him, I had many family members tell me that I should never have another children because the risk of another children with autism once you have one already is 50/50 and I would just have to be crazy to have another child. No one knew but I was already pregnant with my 3 child Abby, with my son was diagnosed with Autism. I never even thought about it … the Lord gave me such strength. 5 months into my pregnancy with Abby, they told me she had a 40% chance of being born with down’s … they led myself and my husband into a room with a large round table with 3 “specialist” at the other end. First thing that comes out of the female doctors mouth is, “this is going to be a hard pregnancy for you, your hands are full with 2 small children already and one has Autism … we can schedule the “termination” of this pregnancy for tomorrow”
My husband was holding my hand and he later told me that I squeezed his hand harder than when I’m in labor!! Needless to say we told then under no uncertain terms would we me “murdering” this precious child. Abby was born fit as a fiddle, no down’s and is one of the most creative 11 yr olds I know … so is her incredible smart and caring baby sister, and our new little one #5 due Jan 2015!
BTW, the girls have never seen their special brother as a burden and love his so very much. I know that long after my husband and I are gone he will be well taken care of and as my oldest daughter put it … “it would be a privilege to take care of the brother that the Lord has given me”
Sorry about the book, was only going to leave a comment but it all just spilled out! LOL
Thank you again for speaking truth!!
Thank you for sharing your story of your unique, precious children. 🙂
Amen!
Absolutely brilliant post. Incredibly well-written and well thought out. THANK YOU for lending your articulate voice to one of the most significant human rights violations EVER and standing for those who can not yet stand.
I agree, it is one of the most significant human rights violations ever… quite possibly THE most significant. Thank you for the kind words.
Being passionately pro-life, from conception until natural death, I stand up and applaud this post! I’d never thought of it from the aspect of teaching my sons. But you’re exactly right. It MUST be done.
I’ve brought my young daughter along to sidewalk prayer sessions and explained things to her in very gentle terms. We’re there to help mothers who think they have no other choice.
Thank you Dianna! What a wonderful way to demonstrate to your daughter how she can help mothers in difficult situations.
I was called while on vacation with a person frantically telling me to get back home since my prenatal testing showed abnormalities and I only had a small amount of time to “make a decision” about terminating. Ummm…the decision has already been made. thankyouverymuch…. I will enjoy my vacation and will see you at my next appointment. Final outcome: Healthy baby boy. He is 16 now.
I personally know many who have held the burden of guilt of past abortions and the pain the decision causes them to this day–decades later. I pray that those who do suffer internally like this, will find freedom from that. That they will realize that redemption & grace CAN be found and that good CAN come through decisions that would be made differently in hindsight.
At a recent doctor appointment while I was in the waiting room, a precious young teenage girl walked in for an appointment. She just radiated an all encompassing beauty–from the inside out. As she was in the waiting room, someone asked to see her “baby bump” and she said, “I had an abortion.” It just surprised me about the matter of factness and the openness about it but at the same time I wondered if she is internally burdened as every person I know who chose abortion are. I hate that many are so desensitized as she seemed to be.
Your post was really great. As a mom of 3 boys, I also make a point to be open about topics that most find difficult to discuss. It has created an openness in our conversations that I cherish. The global information we talk about creates a great segue into a conversation about responsibility when the issue confronts them on an even more personal level–whether it affects a friend, family member or even them.
“How will you personally handle this if someone close to you comes for advice or if you are in this position?” I would enjoy knowing your thoughts on this aspect of the conversation, too.
My stance with my boys, and I have discussed this with them, is “The ONLY way to be assured that you WILL NOT get a girl pregnant is to NOT have sex.” We have candid conversations about making a plan BEFORE they are in situations. We talk about available options, direct verbal responses that could be used and their plan for what their response will be if they find themselves in a situation. We role play i.e. if they are offered drugs, if there is underage drinking, etc. I am firmly convinced that many regrettable decisions are made in the heat of the moment because there has never been a conversation about what choices there are or responses to make outside of the moment, and how as parents, we can help them make responsible choices. One example I use is the preplanning that takes into planning healthy meal choices when dining in a restaurant–that online menus are available for review and a decision can be made on what to order BEFORE being hungry to ensure the desired outcome of sticking to a healthy eating plan. Then a menu isn’t even necessary and choices don’t have to be reviewed while hungry. The temptation to order a choice that doesn’t stick to your healthy approach to food is avoided by a preplanned decision. We also shop for major purchases by determining the best features and value and use a budget–deciding beforehand how much we want to spend and how much we are able to spend and the amount we will not spend over.
In the instance of premarital sex, we talk about the personal responsibility each boy has to NOT get into situations where sex could “just happen” and the reality that it is a very slippery slope once the ball gets rolling. We encourage each boy to talk to his girlfriend, decide together outside of the situation how they plan to avoid the temptation. Take personal responsibility to remove yourselves from those situations. If you find yourself all alone together after friends walk out of a room, then go find a spot where people are and remove yourselves from the isolated area. As parents we remind them that we can only put boundaries in place but cannot police every situation. The reality is that they WILL find themselves in a situation where it would be easy to have sex and us not realize it or find out–so he needs to be prepared for that situation. Ultimately the choice whether or not to have sex is his and his partner’s.
He and his girlfriend should talk together about future goals–whether they are together as a couple or not–and what the consequences could be if a child is conceived before they are ready. One son took it upon himself to have this discussion with his girlfriend and write down what they decided and sign it. (How he came up with that? I don’t know but it’s a good one!!)
I also talk to him about his individual goals and his future and ask him what impact a child would have on that and how compromises WILL have to be made once he is responsible for a child. That it is important that HE decide ahead of time what choices he will make now to ensure that he is able to prepare, get ready and reach for his life goals–including a family, and the steps needed to ensure he is able to provide for them.
We talked about a decision to have sex BEING a decision to have a child, that no method of birth control is 100% guaranteed and he needs to be ready to accept those odds. We talked about having a child with someone would mean a relationship with that person for life–whether married or not, so make sure whoever you decide to have sex with is someone you are willing to have a life relationship with. We discussed what would happen IF he found himself in the position of responsibility of conceiving a child when he isn’t prepared to be a dad or a husband financially, educationally, emotionally & independent of parental support–financial or otherwise. (And lets face it–WHO REALLY is ever completely ready?? 🙂 But it sure is good to THINK we are ready and find out we REALLY aren’t then to NOT be ready and find that you will have to be.)
We talked about how having a pregnant girlfriend is not the time to make a LIFE decision in secret–that our family will be here, that we will move forward with him and his girlfriend and not look back if the choices that led to a child were not what we would have chosen for them. That our job as parents is to enable him to strive to be his best and to meet his potential for his chosen purpose. That we feel he IS chosen to be a dad, but that our desire is for that to happen when he is uniquely purposed to be the BEST dad he can be for that child. That waiting for sex is not a punishment but is for his protection–and his future family’s protection. And that if he feels he needs to be secretive about his decision to have sex, then it’s probably not at a life stage that he’s ready for children. As parents we will expect that he will be having sex when it is the appropriate life stage for that. The decision to have sex at the right time will not be veiled in secrecy or deceit. He will not be embarrassed or ashamed either.
I’ve talked to him about the decisions of people I know personally who have chosen abortion and the mental anguish it has caused them–and not just women–that the price of holding in a secret shame creates even more negative personal repercussions than adopting an adjusted life plan that involves a child before being ready. We, as parents who love him and his future children and their mother, can be here to help him assess the new path his life will take now that a child is in the picture and the goals that will need to be adjusted or postponed while he tends to the pressing matter of fatherhood. We will support his responsibility and with his and his child’s mother’s permission, offer advice and insight, no matter when he becomes a dad. We will be joyful for the new family members that we will get to know and embrace.
Along the same lines, we would hope any of our boys could have this type of conversation with anyone faced with a similar situation–bringing to light the things to be considered when a LIFE is at stake, and to encourage others to go to trusted adults for insight and advice.
We tell our boys OFTEN and it is our continued prayer that they KNOW BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT that their dad and I are committed to LOVE them NO MATTER WHAT! “Son, there is nothing you can do to make us love you more and there is nothing you can do to make us love you less!” I love it when I get this response, “I know, you tell me all the time.” I pray each boy does know and that their dad and I are able to live this out in our words and actions even in the face of undesired circumstances–most especially then!
Thanks again for a great post to help us continue this particular conversation! You brought up some more talking points for sure!!
Hi Amy,
Thank you for sharing your story. I also, can’t imagine considering terminating a pregnancy just because a test said there is a probability that my child would have some sort of disability. Praise God that your son was born healthy!
It us unfortunate how desensitized individuals in our culture have become to this. It’s also unfortunate how dishonest so many are about the fact that a fetus is indeed a human baby.
You are right, it is so important for us to talk to our sons not just about abortion, but about sex and how to handle relationships. Thank you for your comment!
Wow Amy, thank you so much for sharing about your conversations. They are all things I think about but have not actually conversed with my boys about and just reading this is a reminder of how important these conversations are. I am motivated to dive in to this topic and lot deeper and broader with them.
Wow! Great post. I know one day I will have this difficult talk with my children. For me this is very personal because my oldest son almost did not make it into this world. My family tried to force me to abort him at 16 because I would have no future. I finished high school, married his father, graduated college, on scholarship, and now we are expecting our 4th blessing. I can’t express how much he has blessed my life. I’m so thankful that among my bad decisions I had the wisdom and courage to face my mistakes and do the right thing. 7 years later people don’t even realize I was a teen mom.
Praise God that you were blessed with your oldest son. I’m sure you can’t imagine life without him.
I appreciate your point of view, but I find it disturbing that no where did you mention teaching your sons that contraception is not only the woman’s responsibility.
They need to know that to keep from being put in a position to have to make a decision on having an abortion, they should always wear a condom. ALWAYS.
No, I didn’t mention it in this post at all because contraception was not the point of this post. I actually want my sons to know that they can’t depend on a condom because they do fail and if they are having sex they better be prepared that they may make a baby.
When I was in my 20’s, I was very socially liberal. I had bumper stickers, buttons, the whole 9 yards all supporting a woman’s right to choose. I thought, “As long as it is done early, it is fine!” I assumed if I ever needed one, it would be fine.
When I was in my 30’s, I had an accidental pregnancy (after being labeled infertile by doctors who ran me through fertility tests.) I was suddenly single after a surprise divorce and still learning how to stand on my own two feet. I was terrified and the child’s father felt very strongly that now was not the time. It’s been about 10 years, I am still distraught by it. I started thinking, “Well it is a horrible thing I would not wish on anyone, and I could never do it again, but I can’t make that decision for other women.”
I just adopted my son and am simply amazed by him. I thank God every day that his birth mom did not take the easy way out. That at whatever point she decided she could not be a mom, that she did not take his life. I pray to God to give her strength and to cover her with reassurance that her son is an answered prayer.
This is my time to your site and this is a beautiful message to a mother of a son.
Thank you so much for sharing your story K. It’s wonderful how God worked to change your heart on this issue.
What is wrong with being socially liberal? Are you now a social conservative? I am a liberal and a Christian. I see social conservatives as people like the Duggars and Kim Davis, no thank you, I do not want to be a part of THAT crowd.
I don’t have a problem with social liberals, but I do wish they were more consistent with the tenants of their own stated beliefs. As I talk about in this article, for the first 100 years, the liberal feminist movement in America was ardently pro-life (and for reasons they believed were entirely consistent with their beliefs). I wish more liberals today followed in their footsteps.
I totally agree with this! VERY RARELY is an abortion a result of a mother’s life in danger – I hate when people throw that out there. And, although outlawing abortion won’t stop it completely, in an ideal world pregnancy-help centers and more affordable adoptions would take its place.
I also think that as pro-lifers we should also be advocates for adoption. 🙂 I just think it’s super dumb abortions are $600 and adoptions are $30,000. 🙁
I couldn’t agree more. It is sad that it costs so much to adopt. This is something my husband and I would be quite open to (in fact, I’d love to adopt a baby girl – we have 4 boys), but the it’s so very costly 🙁
Private, infant adoptions are the only adoptions that cost so much. The private agencies are not funded by the government and the only funding is through fees to the adoptive families. I know there are over THREE HUNDRED older (usually 2+) children awaiting adoption in my state alone. These adoptions are little to no cost. If only people would open their hearts and not expect babies…
Educate yourselves.
You should consider adoption through the foster-care system. It is essentially no-cost or extremely low-cost and there are thousands of children who are waiting to be adopted. My husband and I adopted two boys this way after we had been blessed to have birthed two daughters. Our first son was 14 months old when he came into our home and our second son was just 10 days old. Adoption is a a beautiful piece in the puzzle of protecting and valuing the life of all children. The “right to life” is the first mentioned in the Declaration of Independence. “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness”.
I’m a man who 11 years ago this February forced my ex girlfriend to abort our children. I only feel guilty now baby God has blessed me with another child born also on February.
It was Easter weekend when the abortion was over we were both in college my dad was very strict and didn’t want a grandchild.
He had just divorced my mother at the time so my dad was looking after me.
My Girlfriend at the time did as I said. Got rid of the child.
She was very quiet and didn’t get physical with me again. Then that summer she said she was braking up with me. On her birthday she emailed me saying that it would of been the baby birthday as well as hers.
I didn’t care to be honest I joined the Christian Church. Refused to talk to her.
Until I heard through her sister she had gone.
I was devastated by the way I had treated her. Not every Christian like of me.
11 years later I have a two year old boy and wondered what my other child would of looked like.
1 a single parent only see my son once a year as (I was on my father side when he asked her to have an abortion) I was 28 and still living with my dad and because I a christian I wasn’t married.
So I was in no fit mind for another child.
But she was against abortion and left with her bump back to her country of origin.
I have been looking into the term (PAS- Post Abortion stress) and I believe my ex girlfriend suffered from it! That why she is no longer her.
I also found PAS on youtube and the men side of abortion. We forgot men are involved to! Not just women I recommend you watch the”Apology” on youtube. If my ex was around I hope she would find that video
Thank you for sharing your story. I know that abortion can be very damaging to the father’s that are involved too.
Well said! We tell our son that God, and God alone, is the author AND finisher of life.
I agree with you about teaching children the truth of these issues but I have a slight disagreement when you say that the mother is not more important than the baby especially if the mother already has other children I say this as the child of a mother who HAD to get an abortion or she would have lost her life. It is very sad that people do this without thinking through the consequences. I know that I was devastated by what my mother did but I would have been even more devastated if she had chosen the baby’s life over her own.
Hi Michele,
I think clarifying our terms is important. Black’s Law Dictionary says an abortion is “An artificially induced termination of a pregnancy for the purpose of destroying an embryo or fetus.” This definition of abortion focuses on the nature of the action (an artificially induced termination of a pregnancy) and an intention behind that action (for the purpose of destroying an embryo or fetus). You must have both to have an abortion.
Therefore, if medical professionals feel it is necessary to deliver a child early in order to save a mothers life, and the doctors then aim to save both the mother and the child, but the child dies, this is not an abortion. This is death due to complications of pre-term birth.
When a mother is in this unfortunate situation, she is not choosing her life over her baby’s life because a baby cannot live inside a dead mother. Choosing to deliver the baby early is giving herself and her baby the best chance to live.
In short, as long as we define what we mean by “abortion,” I think you and I are on the same page.
As a Christian woman, and an advocate for women’s rights who has been volunteering for children’s shelter I have to say how vehemently I oppose this article. I don’t want to hurt you, or anyone and your entitled to your opinion but there are several reasons why I disagree with you. First of all, the problem with “pro-life”, is that it isn’t pro life. It’s pro birth. Once that child is born, the concern ends. So many women who aren’t in the financial or emotional state to raise another human end up giving their babies up for adoption, which would be great, except that the american foster care and adoption system is seriously messed up. Many kids just get shuffled around from house to house until they get booted on their behinds at 18 when they’re no longer the states problem. You can argue that women should choose adoption over abortion, but you cannot understand how devastating it would be to give you child away unless you’ve gone through it. My dear friend was so depressed after giving her daughter up that she turned to drugs and destructive behavior. Many women choose adoption only to be unable to let go when the child is born. So many women keep children, only to become dependent on social programs like welfare, which is a system designed to keep people in poverty while simultaneously making them feel inadequate for asking for it. And science can answer any claims about life at conception. Yes, they are a ball of *living* cells in the first 8 weeks, but all cells are living. You exfoliate your skin to remove skin cells, but no one calls you a murderer for it. Cases of rape, incest, girls in high school or middle school, and yes even younger, should be forced to have these babies? And a Google search will reveal that pro life advocates made changes to the law that don’t allow women who have suffered late term miscarriages hold their babies, it is now law that the still born fetus must be sucked out by the doctor, D&C. And also, in reference to women’s advancement, prolifers set women back by decades, by degrading women who can make their own choices for their own bodies. I don’t think it’s anyone’s place to decide, or even comment on what a woman does with her own body. Do some research, talk to objective third parties, and don’t ever call a woman a murderer for having an abortion. You don’t know her, her circumstances, or anything about the situation. And I’m sorry, but so many prolifers make themselves sound so ignorant. God says, love thy neighbor, don’t judge others, let he without sin cast the first stone. But hey, I doubt my words will change anyone’s mind.
Thanks for sharing your opinion on the matter, but you’re just wrong.
To say people who are “pro life” are only “pro birth” says nothing about the millions of women who choose to give birth to their children and then also choose to raise them well and care for them.
I don’t disagree the American foster system is screwed up, but I hardly see why that justifies killing someone.
I don’t disagree giving up a child for adoption is an emotionally difficult decision. I just think one should be emotionally distraught over taking a human life. And dare I say, they should be more emotionally distraught over an abortion than an adoption.
I also know women who were very emotionally unstable after giving up their child for adoption, and it is an awful thing. I just can’t picture pulling up beside that woman, putting my arm around her shoulder saying, “I bet you wish you just killed your baby when you had the chance.”
No one is arguing in this article: Human babies in utero are alive therefore we shouldn’t kill them. That would be stupid. The argument is: Human babies in utero are, um, you know, human, therefore deliberately killing them is taking human life.
While I’m not sure every woman who has an abortion can be called a “murderer,” she would at least be an accomplice murder or some kind of manslaughter. Perhaps if she’s been lied to enough about the life in her womb, she can claim ignorance. And I don’t say that to be derogatory or demeaning: there are many people who honestly believe the little bundle of cells in bodies is not “human enough,” so therefore they can take its life. That’s sad, of course, because of how many babies have died because of that kind of ignorance and deception.
I admire a pro-choice person (like Naomi Wolf or Peter Singer) who at least understand the basic and most obvious thing: the thing in your womb is a human life and taking that life is a decision that is unquestionably an ethical matter. They just believe taking human life, while an ethical matter, must be weighed in the balances of other ethical concerns. This is why Peter Singer, for instance, thinks infanticide can be okay under certain circumstances. He at least understands this is logical implication of abortion rights. I disagree with Singer, of course, but I admire the fact he is trying to be consistent.
You are also wrong that God doesn’t want us to judge others. Not sure where you’re getting that odd idea. Certainly not from the Bible. When Jesus says, “Judge not, that you be not judged,” He follows that with “First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Once we have seen our own sin, we are expected to turn around and help others see theirs. Does that mean being judgmental, cruel, and mean-spirited? Of course not. But it does mean calling sin what it is. Does it mean using vitriolic language to women as they enter abortion clinics? No. It does mean sitting with them and helping them see there is a better way.
You are right about this, however: God says love your neighbor. I can’t think of anyone more like a neighbor than the little child you carry in your own body. When I reach out to a woman who is considering abortion, I am aiming to love two neighbors, not just one. I am called to love her, support her, give her encouragement, and love the baby she carries by giving it a chance to live, thrive, and contribute to this world.
I see your points, but in your article, you directly say, that a victim of rape who chooses abortion is murdering her baby. And yes, many women do choose to raise their babies. Great. Unless they are not mature enough, not in a place financially to support this child adequately, or not mentally well, then how is that better for the child or the mother? And no, I would never say, hey wish you could’ve killed that baby when you had the chance. I don’t like that there are people who are going to tell my daughter she is a murderer if she gets raped and doesn’t want to have a rapists baby. If my daughter was the victim of rape or incest than there isn’t a soul on planet earth that would be allowed to tell my daughter she is “participating in manslaughter”. No doubt this is an ethical issue, but to compare first trimester abortion to murder is just irresponsible. As the mother of a daughter it really angers me. And honestly the comment about rape is what really offends me. If a woman becomes pregnant because she is raped, it’s not only emotionally harmful but really just pain insensitive to tell her she would be murdering a ball of cells if she doesn’t feel like she can have a rapists baby. Being raped is not the same thing as having unprotected sex. Why make a victim suffer further? I don’t know, I will not be replying any further because the point is moot. My opinions, and the scientific facts will not change how you feel. I understand that your feelings are based on your faith, and I do admire that you feel strongly about your relationship with God. Please forgive my harsh tone at times in my comments, but I feel strongly that it’s not anyone’s business but the woman who carries the child. Unless someone asks for your advice, I don’t think it’s anyones place to give it. Abortion is an extremely personal choice, especially in certain circumstances such as rape.
Perhaps there’s a bit of a semantic issue going on here. Yes, the article states that killing a baby in utero “murder” (because the abortion provider is certainly in-the-know) but calling someone a “murderer” usually involves more than just the act of killing but something involving motive and an understanding of the action. Yes, a baby is “murdered” when aborted, but not all parties may be equally culpable based on their knowledge of the action. I would say that if a woman certainly knows she is killing a human life in the act of abortion, then yes, she is a murderer.
You are saying first trimester abortion isn’t comparable to murder, that such a comparison is irresponsible. Can you explain why?
You also say it isn’t anyone’s business but that of the woman carrying the baby. Isn’t it at least the baby’s business?
I want to make sure I get this straight. If your daughter was raped (God forbid) and became pregnant, if she chose to kill her baby, you would prefer she not be told, “You are a murderer.” I suppose I don’t disagree if all we were arguing about was how to be tactful in a conversation. I don’t think it is best to walk up to any woman after an abortion (rape or no rape) and say, “Hi there, murderer!” That’s just awkward. But if your daughter was trying to be informed on the act of abortion and asked, “So, help me understand: if I have an abortion, I will be killing my human child. But that’s murder, isn’t it?” than I might say, “Well, you’ve got all your facts straight. Your rape was a deplorable crime against you, and it should never have happened. But yes, by killing your fetus you are killing a human baby, and if your baby was anywhere else in this world but your womb, that would be legally understood as an act of murder.”
If my raped daughter came to me for advice about what to do with my grandchild, the last thing I would want to do is call the child “that rapist’s baby” as if the child was somehow responsible for who his or her father is. I would never urge anyone to allow their baby to share in the punishment for the crimes of his father.
In short, I would never presume to believe carrying the child of your rapist was some kind of picnic. Of course not. I just fail to see why anyone thinks such a burden justifies killing someone. If that was true, then the emotional burden raising your rapists child could also be justification for killing.
Hi Kelsey. I am under the weather right now so my response is a little short, but I wanted to reach out.
A few thoughts – the cells one sloughs off at menstruation are for sure different than the zygote and embryo b/c they are made in the Image of God. I would think that as a Christian you would know that, but perhaps not. I know there is a lot of misinformation out there.
The united sperm and egg are a human being and that is why it says what it says in Psalm 139.
I think this site would be of interest to you. I have heard several of these speakers and they are amazing and compassionate. http://prolifetraining.com/
As for the messed up systems of foster care, you are right. They are a mess, but do you think that it is OK to kill a 2 or 3 year old b/c the mother can’t afford them or handle them emotionally and the foster system (or any system) is messed up?
Truly the issue here is whether or not the united sperm and egg are a human being or not and they are. If they are not, then when does life begin? Even atheist scientists agree that human life begins at conception.
The same issue holds true for your comment about a woman’s decision for her own body. Once another human being is involved, then that analogy doesn’t work. Why would you say that the zygote / embryo is not a human?
Because it is small? Then should we kill other people who are small? At what size do we draw the line for killing?
Because it can’t care for itself? Then I guess we could kill newborns b/c they can’t either.
Because it doesn’t look like a human? Then I guess odd looking humans (some a grotesque to be sure) could be killed as well.
Because it is in the womb? Then can we kill a baby if it is born and then we put it back in the womb?
There are more analogies, but I hope those suffice to give you something to think about. This is about life and death. Pregnancy can be prevented. Death can’t be recovered from.
As a side note, I was supposed to be aborted. That is not why I have the thoughts and feelings about abortion that I have, but it does highlight the fact that actions have consequences. If my mother hadn’t fought to keep me, then, well….you get it I am sure. My kids know this and it drives home the pro life message in a way that they will never forget.
Blessings in Christ,
Adrienne
This post and comments were hard for me to read. I’m very pro-life (not just pro-birth) and agree with what you’ve written – even the hard stuff. My mom gave up a child when she was 18 and tomorrow I get to meet my half sister for the first time (I’m 47). My mom did struggle with deep depression when she was raising the rest of us and I’m sure that giving a baby up for adoption contributed to that, but it wasn’t the only contribution. There was a whole life-time of hurts (abandonment, growing up in an orphanage, to name a few) that contributed, I think aborting the child wouldn’t have made the depression any better. I *think* my half sister would agree that she’s glad she was given the opportunity for life.
My younger sister did have an abortion when she was in her early twenties. She deeply regrets it – even before becoming a christian. She has had multiple health issues and has not been able to have any other children. Mother’s Day is especially hard – even though she has two beautiful step children. Aborting the baby did not make her life easier, it just added another level of sadness.
Two days before our oldest son’s wedding, he and his fiance told us that she was pregnant (they had been engaged for 6 months). As christian parents this was hard on so many levels. I’m so proud of them that they didn’t try to “hide” their sin (premarital sex, not the baby) by having an abortion or a “seven month pregnancy”. Since they were young (20) and still in college it would have been so easy to do. Instead, they took responsibility for their actions and acknowledged that God chose to bless them even in the middle of their sin. My grandson is eight months old and is such a blessing.
I know these are not “evidence” that someone should not have an abortion, they are just part of our story. Yes, there has been some hard consequences because of my mom’s choice to give up a baby and of my son and daughter-in-law’s choice to not abort, but hard times are just part of life. We live in a culture that thinks life should be easy and when it’s not we have to fix it so that it is easy and in the meantime we miss out on so many blessings.
Thanks for the great post!
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I’m always touched when I hear stories like this.
Had I read this post 2 years ago, I’d agree with everything you said. There are cases of pregnant women who get so sick that abortion is the only thing that will save their own life. So as I will also teach my son to stand up for the helpless I will also teach him that if his wife is dying, make the right decision for your family, as my husband did for me. And we will mourn our loss for as long as we live but it’s between us and God, not anyone else.
I think there’s a difference between an abortion and delivering a child to save the life of the mother. Keeping this in mind, I think we might agree in spirit, even if we aren’t using the same definitions.
Black’s Law Dictionary defines an abortion as “An artificially induced termination of a pregnancy for the purpose of destroying an embryo or fetus.” Two things make up this definition: (1) a certain type of medical procedure (one that artificially induces the removal of a baby from the body), and (2) a specific intention (destroying the embryo or fetus). When a baby is taken from your body, but the intention is not to harm or kill the baby, this is not an abortion (by this definition).
In other words, if the intention is to save both the life of the mother and the baby, even if the fetus is questionably viable or not viable, an abortion is not being performed.
I understand others might haggle over my definition of the term (well, Black’s definition of the term), but I think many pro-life and pro-choice people would agree with the spirit of the idea: there is a moral difference between a doctor and mother who agree together to end a baby’s life and a doctor and mother who agree together to save both lives if possible.
I thought the article was so true of what we should be teaching our children. What saddened me the most was the comments after. I was sexually abused as a child and after almost 25 years I stll think about it almost every day. Nothing would make being sexually abused any easier or forgettable, not even an abortion. I found myself pregnant at 16 and nothing would have made that any better, not even an abortion. It was a sad situation and I had to live with the consequences of my actions. My son has made my life harder, but immensely more joyful as well. I became pregnant with twins in 2009, and the doctor recommended to my husband and I “selective reduction”, as it was unlikely that I could carry both of our children to a “viable” point. We were saddened, but refused. Tonight I have TWO healthy 5 year olds sleeping in bunk beds and I can’t help but think which one we would have never known.
Also last year we had the opportunity to place our remaining frozen embryos up for adoption after the birth of our twins ended in a hysterectomy. We could have discarded them or donated them to research after I could no longer have children, but we chose life. The family that adopted our embryos is expecting a little boy any day. Does my heart grieve? Absolutley. This has been a difficult process, but it’s the right thing to do. We didn’t “give away” our embryos because we didn’t love them. But we found them a family because we do love them.
In short, I have lived in almost every situation where abortion has been deemed excusable and it’s not. I chose life every time, it’s not the easiest choice, or the quickest, but the happiest, most rewarding one.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry to hear what you went through, but so important for us all to hear how God can work through these extremely difficult times.
I loved your article and reading all the comments.
One thing I hope to also instill in my boys (I have 2) is it is not only the mother that is responsible for the child. Yes most of the burden usually falls to the mother but that’s because boys have always been taught that. Like one of the other commenters said our children (boys AND girls) NEED to know that making the decision to have sex IS the decision to make a baby whether or not it happens when you do it and whether or not you are ready in any way.
Yes, that’s another very good and necessary lesson to teach our children!
This is disgusting. How can you be a woman and be so against abortion? You’re a disgrace to women. Any proper woman will want other women to have the right to do what she pleases with her body regardless of what some man thinks. There is nothing wrong with a woman having an abortion for ANY reason. It is HER body and she can choose what she wants regardless of what anyone else thinks. I’ve had an abortion because I didn’t want a kid with that guy, it was my choice. Not his. Not anyone else’s. Mine!
So if you’re a woman and you’re not pro-choice you are a disgusting disgrace to our gender.
Interesting take. Since there have been roughly 27 million little women aborted since Roe v. Wade, I would have thought it the other way around. Are you saying a woman who wants to protect the lives of defenseless girls is a disgrace to women? At best, this is a very odd idea.
I understand that you didn’t want to have a kids with that guy—a lot of people get pregnant in less-than-ideal circumstances—but I fail to see why someone who was vying for the life of your baby would be a disgrace to women.
Women have the right to choose what happens to their body without idiots telling them they’re wrong. Also, if a child gets pregnant they need to have an abortion. Despite what MTV passes for watchable television, 16 year Olds are not responsible enough to have a baby.
You still haven’t responded to my thoughts, but I’ll try as best I can to respond to yours.
1. Yes, women do currently have the legal right to have an abortion, but they shouldn’t have that right (that is, after all, the pro-life stance).
2. Yes, pro-choice people say it is about a woman’s right to do what she wants to her body. But what about the baby’s body? Does it not have a right to be protected from someone who would choose to extinguish its life?
3. You said, “if a child gets pregnant they need to have an abortion.” So now you’ve jumped from having a right to have an abortion to needing to have one. You’ve gone from me being an idiot because I’m telling women what to do with “their body” to you telling 16-year-olds what to do with their body. I’m choking on the hypocrisy.
4. You said, “16 year Olds are not responsible enough to have a baby.” If by “have a baby” you mean give birth to a baby, you’re simply wrong. A 16-year-olds body is fully capable of giving birth. If by “have a baby” you mean “raise a baby,” then the obvious option to consider would be adoption. People do it all the time when they feel they aren’t ready to raise kids—millions are kids are raised in adopted homes.
5. As far as agreements go, you are right about MTV—far from quality TV. 🙂
Let abortionists continue to do God’s work on those sinners that have strayed from the path “their little ones shall be dashed in pieces and their pregnant women ripped open” (Hosea 13) – we just need to focus on stopping Christian abortions. Pro Christian Life ?
While I fully understand what you are trying to get across, I politely disagree. I am an elementary school teacher, (and a mother of 3), and I know too many children through my own and through years of teaching, whom were born to parents who couldn’t adequately provide for their physical and mental needs, and I have seen what it does as a result.
It’s selfish, in my opinion, to have a child “because you want one” when you can’t provide what they need to live a healthy life. And that’s what I see more often then not. And as a teacher who sees these children more often then their parents do, it sickens me. Terribly.
So, help me follow your logic here: if I can’t provide for my kids’ physical and mental needs, I should choose to end their life? I shouldn’t try to find parents for them who can provide for their needs? The best option is their death, not their life with others who can care for them. Is that what you’re saying?
I agree. I taught in the inner city of Chicago for 7 years. Some of the worst child abuse and neglect I have ever seen. Lack of birth control and comprehensive sex ed is just the start, don’t even get me started on racist education policy. And adoption does not help. Thousands of kids are in the system until they are 18 and then just dumped off. Some go to my church and they are so angry. One girl actually spoke in front of the church and said she wished she had been aborted. Instead she had been raped and molested and abused by adults who were supposed to be caring for her. She said she feels like a drifter in the middle of the ocean, hopeless and unwanted.
I agree that lack of sex education (good sex education) is a major problem. Racism is also a major issue in the inner city (and many other places).
My problem is that abortion clinics are often just as racially bigoted—most of the modern contraceptive movement was founded by practitioners of eugenics.
I’m not sure what you mean by adoption not helping. It sounds like your talking about kids who aren’t adopted, not the ones who are.
My children were exposed to abortion by a protester holding up a picture of an aborted fetus. My daughter was 4 and had nightmares for months. Dead babies crawling up into her bed, dead babies everywhere.
I think sometimes the pro-life movement forgets about the lives that are currently on Earth. Especially when they force young children into this sort of horror show.
No doubt I’ve run into nicer pro-lifers and cruel pro-lifers. Just as I’ve run into nicer and cruel pro-choice people.
While I certainly don’t think sitting a kid down and forcing him to stare at mutilated babies is a good idea by any stretch, I think your daughter’s reaction to the images was pretty fitting. One should probably have nightmares about nightmarish things—like butchered babies.
That is awful, so sorry that happened.
I am so glad you informed your sons of abortion Your article was very true.
Abortion effects the father’s lives also whether they admit it or even know it.I think because it is the women’s body/decision men do not realize their role as the father when abortion happens and they don’t have their child.They go threw
a loss of a child also Emotionally they need support too.
I am and have been a peer-counselor at our pregnancy center off and on since 1994.
Compared to the millions of babies and many generations wiped out It’s such
a blessing to go into this mission field and be used by God to come alongside these parents to help with diapers clothes formula maternity clothes, clothes for their children.We offer pre-natal and parenting classes where they earn
vouchers to be used in His boutique for donated nearly new and new items
.We have post abortion classes and miscarriage counseling and more. when a crisis pregnancyclient comes in for a pregnancy test we can inform them of the options available to them . Which are finding out how far along their pregnancy is and informing them info like their baby ‘s heart starts beating at 21 days and more info about making it a baby. (Some don’t know this)also we can inform them of abortion info along with adoption options. They have to understand abortion is not like getting a tooth pulled. A lot of clients use abortion as birth control. It’s sad,but that is the world we are living in today.
Due to being a non profit Christian organization we can pray with all our clients and talk to them about the gospel and God and Jesus. All of our clients men and women are in a crisis of some kind and they all need God in their life.
Some of my clients never had any one pray with them. So their spiritual needs are important as much as any other reason they are there. We even have an ultra sound van that meets once a week to show the heart beating only. It’s a different ministry. God provides all of our needs to help them. .
In the 70’s a family member was made to have abortions the emotional toll it took on her and our family was awful.She spent many years being self destructive(due to it I can use this to share with my abortion minded clients)
Even after turning to God she still has unresolved issues from it this many years later.I think she could benefit from our post abortion counseling. Maybe when she is ready,we don’t even talk about my work at the center in anyway.
When my then 12 yr old son and his friend’s hung around I worked there and would bring home info and tapes on abstinence to show them telling them I needed their approval to see if it wasok to use on my young clients. They would give me their thoughts on the info not realizing they were learning abstinence and learning God’s ways. One older tape I used was Dr. Dobson(from Focus On The Family)Sex,Lies&The Truth.The kids liked it a lot.
My son is now 33 ,married 10 yrs on their 6th baby. Thank God! I do believe when I started at the center it was for that reason also.
Me and my family do these things to help abortion in positive ways.
Keep these women who have had the abortions (especially even more with the Planned Parenthood tapes coming out)usually they are not being played on general media you have to find a Christian radio station like Moody Bible radio to hear them.
Also things to get you and your family involved in abortion by praying for and donating and getting involved in anyway with your local Christian Pro-Life
pregnancy center. Your church might be partnered with them also. Volunteering in anyway or donating things and money and prayer and educating all around you about the positive side of God’s plan for families is a wonderful and positive way to start the next generation.
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Thank you for the conversations you opened us all up to. I enjoyed your article and I thank you for letting me put some of God’s ways He deals with this issue out for other’s who may not know.
Blessings Always.
Thank you so much for sharing your story Susie! I so appreciate the work you (and many others) are doing at Pregnancy Resource Centers around our country. These organizations are such a blessing to the communities they are in. Blessings abound for you, my friend!
I’m assuming then all who agree with this have vowed to adopt all children in the foster care system and have no issues with continuing to support those on welfare, food stamps, WIC, childcare assistance and all other government programs to help those children born to low income families. Oh, and of course support programs such as sex education beyond just abstinence and all forms of birth control to prevent these situations in the first place, right?
I can’t speak for all people who agree with this, so I wouldn’t know.
You seem to be assuming these means are the only ways society can care for the less fortunate, which isn’t true.
You also seem to be assuming that to take a stance on this issue one should personally be involved in each and every means of support. If so, that’s just silly. What you’re doing now is the classic ah hominem fallacy: you’re attacking the person, not the argument itself.
If a family came up to you and said, “Adopt my 10 kids, or I’ll kill them all tonight in their sleep,” if you refuse to adopt them, would that then justify the murder? Or would that make your stance on murder somehow insincere?
If you want to contribute to the discussion in a productive way, I’m all ears, but this is just weird.
Thank you! I do not understand how people can oppose abortion and food stamps, WIC, etc. How are people supposed to care for these children they chose not to abort?
And comprehensive sex ed, yes!!!!!!!!!!!!! This abstinence only sex ed is nonsense. Look how well that worked out for the Duggars.
We think comprehensive sex ed is a good idea as well. It’s just too bad so few parents are willing to pick up that mantle at teach their own kids about human sexuality. Unfortunately, it gets shuffled into the hands of the public school system that isn’t equipped to do any proper mentoring around the subject.
Let me start by saying I really appreciate a lot of things about this post. You should discuss this subject with your children (at an appropriate age– maybe middle school?), and teach them to approach the subject with love and respect. However, I strongly disagree with some of your other points. I read this from a Pinterest link and thought it was a legit article on how to approach the subject with children and didn’t expect it to be a soapbox on your one-sided opinion. You are, however, entitled to your opinion. My issue is the instance of rape. I don’t feel this is anyone’s decision to make except for the mother.
Here’s a hypothetical situation: a woman is violently raped. She’s too scared and traumatized to go to the hospital or police. In her state of shock, he instincts lead her straight home, where she spends the next several hours in the fetal position on the floor of the shower. Weeks later, she discovers she’s pregnant. There’s only one way this could have happened. She’s still traumatized. She can’t sleep with the lights off. She can’t hardly sleep period. When she is, she is haunted my nightmares. She’s scared every minute of the day. Now she has to relive that rape when pushing out this baby that she didn’t choose to make. She was a responsible woman. An accidental pregnancy would have never happened if it were her choice. Now she has to carry the child of the monster who did this to her. Worse yet, she has to spend 21 hours of excruciating labor pushing it out of her. The trauma of her rape isn’t over. It lasts a full nine months. the decision to have this child should be hers, and hers alone.
Now that we have the ugly rape scenario out of the way, we need to discuss feminism. there’s a strong history of men telling women that they weren’t raped. This is wrong. However, if we say abortion is only legal in cases of rape or danger to the mother, it is a mans word against a woman’s. Historically, we all know how this plays out. While I personally believe abortion immoral, one must realize there are always circumstances where it really isn’t my place to say. It’s wrong to prohibit a woman from having an abortion. You don’t know her reasons, and it’s not your wellbeing at stake.
A very sad scenario, Julia. Very sad. I’ve known a few women in that position, and it is extremely traumatizing.
Let me respond with another story. You’re an unborn baby resting comfortably in your mother’s womb—but unbeknownst to you, a child conceived in an act of a horrific rape. Suddenly salt water is pumped into your surroundings. You swallow it and feel the burning sensation in your throat. You endure the agony of this for about 24 hours, unable to escape it, until you die. Or perhaps instead of the salt solution, you’re subjected to another kind of abortive procedure, and because you’re nervous system is fully formed but your higher level pain-modifying system has barely begun to develop, you experience an even more intense pain than an adult will.
I’m not suggesting a woman’s pain in rape is nothing less than horrific. I’m just suggesting the killing of another human being for his or her father’s sin is an unjust and barbaric response to this trauma.
It is just an observation, but it seems that the author of the original article wanted to teach her children HOW to think, not what to think. It appears that she is not only teaching them how to think but WHAT to think.
It is odd to say that you are letting your children form their own opinions when you are providing them with only one side of a topic that is MANY faceted.
Not following you here. What’s wrong with teaching a child both what to think and how to think? When I teach a child that 2+2=4, I’m teaching them what to think. When I show them 2 things and another 2 things and then put them together as 4 things, that’s teaching them how to think. Both are good things to teach a child. It isn’t narrow minded to think 2+2 doesn’t equal 26.
I understand you see abortion as a different kind of issue, not a mathematical fact but an ethical issue with many facets. I don’t disagree that it has many facets, and the author (my wife) talks about a lot of those facets in this article (as do I in a follow up article). But what is wrong with teaching a child, “While this issue has many facets, abortion is always unethical,” if it is based on your worldview?
It took me awhile to get down here to the Leave a Reply box, so I don’t remember the number of the point or the exact verbiage, but I would like to add a few thoughts to the section that discussed women’s fears and concerns about their future and the possible difficulties or loss of opportunities having a child might cause for them. And pointed out that none of them are justification for aborting their baby.
I would like to expand on that a little by pointing out that it is not only mother’s who try to justify ending a pregnancy for their own reasons. Many women are coerced into having an abortion because of other people’s fears, pride/embarrassment, lack of a sense of responsibility for the consequences of one’s actions, cowardice, or a misplaced sense of compassion for the mother’s presumed or projected “suffering”.
Several of the comments left here have discussed women who were pressured to have an abortion either by family members or the baby’s father. The sorrow of those situations is two-fold; not only is an innocent human being killed for selfish or misguided reasons, but the mother’s right to self-determination has been disregarded. This insult adds to the emotional distress of the already painful situation of an unwanted or “poorly timed” pregnancy.
The women who have withstood the pressure to do what someone else thinks is best (for themselves, not her), are true heroes to me. I speak as a woman who was not strong enough to withstand my husband’s threat to leave if I didn’t abort our second child. Although we did have another child after that, ultimately our marriage ended in divorce due to a variety of reasons, including the damage do
ne to our relationship by his manipulation of my fear of abandonment and my disappointment and guilt over not being able to do what I knew was right. Although I was able to accept that I had made a huge mistake, that God had forgiven me, and I “got on” with my daily life, underneath everything I never really forgave myself. After almost thirty years, I was given the huge grace of attending a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat, where I began to really accept that as awful as this decision was, it didn’t make me an awful person, or less than, and that in spite of it, God has blessed me and my second husband with six children, so where I thought I would have only one child during my years of fear and disappointment, I’m now the mother of eight.
God is good to have given you the ability to discuss such an important and difficult subject. It breaks my heart that it even has to be discussed or is difficult because of basic misunderstandings or ignorance of morality.
Blessings and graces to you and your family!
Wow, that’s a very powerful testimony Nanette. Thank you so much for sharing how God has worked in your life and all he has taught you through your experience.
I recommend visiting the website A Heartbreaking Choice. Many women and families choose to abort after learning about a horrible diagnosis. I personally think it is worse to bring a child into the world where it will suffer with some horrible condition, and the parents will suffer as well.
In many cultures, abortion is the only option when a child is learned to have special needs. My husband is Filipino and for a week we thought our daughter could have Downs Syndrome. Tests later denied it, but my husband wanted me to have an abortion if it was true because a special needs child is shameful in many Asian cultures.
Lastly, making abortion illegal will not stop abortions. It will force desperate women to seek dangerous, back door abortions. Easy access to birth control and comprehensive sex ed is the best way to make abortions rare.
Do you apply the same logic to human beings of other ages? Killing a 10-year-old with Downs, for instance?
Thank you for your balanced, understanding approach to this issue. I want to take a moment to mention that boys and men need to do their part to prevent abortion! I’m talking about advocating their own reproductive agency and helping their partners to prevent unwanted pregnancy. My own wonderful partner strongly encouraged me to get my IUD after I was unhappy with the birth control I was using at the time. He drove me to the Planned Parenthood and held my hand during the procedure, then drove me home and spent the day cooking for me and watching movies with me while I healed up. I have never been pregnant and therefore never had to abort, partially because of his help and advice.
You can also teach your kids to always discuss contraception (including condoms!) with any new sex partners. If you are planning to have them wait til marriage, tell them anyway. You’ll wish you did when some poor teenager is pregnant and seeking an abortion or your kid is having to face consequences that teenagers rarely handle well.
Hi
I have to confess that when I read the title of this post I thought what a brilliant topic for a parenting post and I got curious.
Then, you mentioned the importance of teaching our kids to think for themselves and not telling them what to think, and you got me interested.
With the “To do that, our children need to be exposed to the rhetoric (good and bad), used on ALL sides.”, you definitively had my attention.
But then, from the pro abortion argument you only stated the “embryo-is-not-life!” (and I’m pretty sure there are more arguments to THIS side) which you very quickly and poorly counter-argumented using some pro abortion quotes to fundament your one claims.
I’m not going to debate which side is right, or whatever. I just want to manifest my disappointment since you are telling your kids precisely what YOU think and what you expect them to think about this issue and definitively not letting them have room at all to think for themselves. Which was the all premisse of the topic, as far as I gathered.
I tell my kids all the time what I think about what is right. I tell them murdering people is wrong. I tell them stealing is wrong. I tell them hurting others is wrong. And yes, I tell them other people believe differently and those people are wrong.
And then I tell them why these things are wrong.
Why would you be disappointed that I tell them my opinions and the basis behind my opinions. Why would you gather that the “premise” of the article is: “Here’s all the opinions about abortion, so take your pick”?
Excellent post. I’ll be quoting you in my blog that I’m writing about attending the March for Life.
So, you select the comments to exalt your post? You are not open to exchange of ideas or can’t take positive criticism? Again, I’m disappointed!
Exactly what are you talking about?
Thanks for this article. I am raising my boys to think of how they will be used by God to solve problems in the world. They are currently 6 and 9. A great read to remind me that they can and should be prepared to tackle any ugly issue in our world and know they are doing it in God’s strength and with other prayerful believers. God bless you!
Luke, why do you feel the need to fight Trisha’s battles for her? Can she not answer for herself? I agree that you are terrible at responding to anyone with an opinion that differs from yours. Ask any pregnant woman that you don’t know, what she thinks about your opinion about what you think she should do with her uterus. I bet you it will be a colorful response basically stating that she doesn’t give a flying rats ass what you think. To be honest I think it’s creepy that you worry so much about every woman’s vagina so much. Really creepy. I worry about my own vagina, and that’s it.. Worry about what directly affects you. That’s what has always bothered me about people like you, you can never just mind your own business and have your own life. Sad.
Hi Christa. Thanks for the spirited comment.
I think the mistake you’re making is you assume this issue boils down to what I (little ‘ole Luke) thinks about women’s vaginas. I’m pretty sure there isn’t a single lawmaker or Supreme Court justice who has ever asked my opinion about vaginas, nor can I ever imagine a scenario where they might ask me.
This is what baffles me about some (not all) in the pro-choice community. There is a widespread assumption that pro-life individuals who are outspoken about their beliefs want to tell women what to do with their bodies. We don’t (or, at least, I don’t). I am, however, very interested in how the state protects a defenseless class of people (the unborn).
I can’t tell if you believe your own rhetoric or if you’re just using it to deflect from the real issue. If it’s the former, I feel really sad for you that you actually get creeped out by people like me, thinking, “Wonder if he’s thinking of my lady parts right now.” That’s really just absurd.
If it’s the latter, then please, for the sake of intelligent discussion, stop it. If there was another class of people out there—a certain race, an ethnicity, or age of person—who was not protected by the law and people could shoot them on site if they felt like it, that would really suck for that group of people. Imagine if others stood up for them. Then imagine others responding, saying, “Hey, it’s creepy that you’re going around telling us where we can shoot our guns. Mind your own business, you weirdo.” We would be right to look at such people and say, “Um, aren’t you deflecting a bit here? Isn’t the massive gaping problem our laws not protecting a defenseless class?”
By the way, in case you’re wondering, no, I’m not likening your vagina to a gun. That would also be absurd.
PS: In reply to your question about if Trisha can answer for herself, because of my wife’s ill health in recent months, she sometimes doesn’t get around to replying to comments, so instead of letting them sit for a long time, she would prefer I reply at times. Also, since this article is about how we raise our children, I thought, as my children’s father it would be okay if I chimed in on this one.
Everyone has a choice whether they would like to keep the living organism or not. It’s not selfish to rid of something. It’s selfish to keep it when you can’t provid for it. There are too many unwanted children in the world and that is more suffering than anyone should have. Even with all the protection it is possible to create a life still and sex is part of human nature and many enjoy it. If you want to participate in sexual acts and something accidentally occurs you shouldn’t be condemned for not wanting to proceed with the pregnancy. Everyone is way to involved with what others do with their own lives. Focus on yourself, not on the decision of others.
No one is denying people have a choice in the matter. We’re stating that some choices are bad while others are good.
We’re also not saying people should keep the children they can’t provide for. We are saying they shouldn’t kill those children. Would you endorse a parent killing their 5-year-old because they couldn’t provide for their child anymore?
We’re also not saying people should be “condemned” if they get pregnant accidentally–nor am I exactly sure what you mean by that. Is that what you consider an unplanned pregnancy? Condemnation?
Your last statement is possibly the most intriguing: “Focus on yourself, not on the decision of others.” Is this a carte blanche statement you’d be willing to apply to other life-and-death situations? If someone attempted to kill you, and you tell them to stop, should they say to you, “”Focus on yourself, not on the decision of others“? I would hope not. Why, then, if we choose to speak up for the ones who have no voice and are being killed are we doing something wrong?
How about teaching your boys and them teaching their mates to wear a condom everytime they have sex.
Well, not every time. What if they want to have kids with their wives?
assuming theyre straight…….
Yes. That would be a decent assumption.
This is a very shortsighted and extreme point of view. There are mistakes made and you will never convince me that abortion is wrong 100% of the time. There are some instances where it is a very necessary and responsible choice!
You are telling your kids WHAT to think- precisely what you stated that people should NOT do.
I think this has been covered the comments already, but please don’t put words in Trisha’s mouth. She said “more important than simply telling our children what to think, we want to teach them how to think about contentious issues.” In other words, teach them both what and how. Yes, teaching them how to think is more important, but she never said teaching them what to thing is something you should not do.
If you care to share why you think the article is shortsighted, we’re all ears.
Just wish #1 was #5…. We need to start with love when talking about issues like this.
They were not listed in any particular order. In fact, I saved #5 for last because I felt that was the note I wanted to end on and have people remember – love.
Luke and Trisha,
I just wanted to tell you how thankful I am for your diligence in responding to the comments on this article. Thank you for being willing to stand up and be a non stop light in a dark culture.
Thanks, Sierra!
I wish all moms thought of teaching things like this, we’d have more gentleman in society and less wanna be gansters
You stated that you dont want to tell your boys what to think but how to think. You have a very strong opinion on abortion and you arent leaving room for your children to have their own opinions. Any dummy would see that right? You need to include the benefits of abortion for the woman, child, couple and society. Discussing both sides teaches children how to think.
No, I stated that I want to teach my kids both what to think and how to think.
And yes, teaching children about why women and society seeks out abortion is part of educating them. I would hesitate to call these “benefits” in a long term sense. My husband has an article about that if you care to read it.
My wonderful and adopted daughter’s birth Mom was sent from her village to have an abortion but for some reason he Birth Mother did not have one. Then when my well adjusted daughter was in grade 4 she became terrified in our home. She held onto me physically when were were home, She was always in my shadow and for the first time she was shut down verbally. When I spoke with her teachers at school they said they had not observed any unusual behavior. This fact was also echoed from her friend’s Mothers.
After one difficult and emotional evening I was able to talk to her. She started crying and crying. She eventually said, “there is a man out my window, I said yes tell me more. She began to cry and cry! “He is out there and he will take me away, No one will remember me and it will be like I never existed”.
Then we told her about her wonderful Birth Mother again. How after her trauma she had saved her even though others called her stupid….
Thank you for this opportunity.
Thank you for sharing this story, Cheryl. So glad her birth mother didn’t give into the pressure.
I have three children and I was a teacher for thirty years. My sister contemplated abortion, adoption, or to keep her daughter. The father was only a sperm donor, so bravo for coaching your sons to be responsible. My sister chose to keep her daughter, but my sister was never meant to be a mother. For 21 years, our family has tried to pick up the pieces. My niece is in rehab as I write for the fifth time. Every child deserves a chance at life, but at what quality? Just giving life does not ensure a good, healthy, loving life. I am amazed by the billboards promoting life, but none of those who protest abortion offering to personally help a struggling woman. Our family has lived it. And I saw the struggles of single mothers for 30 years through the sad children in my classroom. This is the other side of the decision.
I agree there is more than one side to the decision, and this is exactly why we as a society must do all we can to support expectant mothers and families facing difficult situations. If we care only that a child is alive but don’t care about their quality of life, then we aren’t showing whole-hearted compassion.
> 2. Life Begins at Conception
What is the scientific basis for this statement?
In other words, you write as though this statement were a well documented fact. However, there is no scientific basis for this statement; scientists do not agree on this point and there is no empirical test to determine precisely when life starts. Yes, you can quote scientists who agree with you, but I can quote other scientists who do not. That’s because…
The statement “life begins at conception” is an OPINION, not a fact.
Since you are sharing your opinion, let me tell you mine. Life begins at the moment when a baby fills its lungs with breath for the first time.
At birth, a baby’s lungs are filled with lung liquid, which is distinct from amniotic fluid. When the newborn is expelled from the birth canal, its central nervous system reacts to the sudden change in temperature and environment. This triggers it to take the first breath, within about 10 seconds after delivery.
In my opinion, THAT is when the child’s life begins. Until that point, the child is not yet alive. Does the child’s heart beat long before its first breath? Yes. But that heart is only beating because of the connection to the mother. A person can die on the operating table while a machine (playing the role of the mother) keeps the heart beating. So no, a heartbeat does not mean someone is alive. Neither does brain activity, which can continue after death.
Many non-Western religions and spiritual practices are focused on the breath, which is essential to life. Yoga, Zen Buddhist meditation and traditional Japanese martial arts all place enormous significance on the breath. My personal experiences with these spiritual practices inform my opinion that you are not alive until you fill your lungs with breath for the first time.
Feel free to disagree with my opinion, as I am free to disagree with your opinion, but please recognize that your belief is an opinion, not a fact.
“For breath is life, and if you breathe well you will live long on earth.” ~Sanskrit proverb
“What we call ’I’ is just a swinging door, which moves when we inhale and when we exhale.” ~Shunryu Suzuki, Soto Zen monk
Not sure what you’re talking about. A lot of things are alive: plants, fungus, bacteria. Of course a fetus is alive. The real question isn’t whether it is alive. It is whether that life is valuable to us.
I do not find your “plant, fungus or bacteria” point to be relevant to this discussion. Moreover, your equating a human fetus to a fungus doesn’t support your position that a fetus is a living human.
Your opinion is that human life begins at conception. My point is that plenty of other people have other equally valid opinions on this subject.
> Of course a fetus is alive.
No… of course a fetus is NOT ALIVE.
A fetus isn’t breathing and has never filled its lungs with air, therefore its life has not yet begun. At the point when the human baby expels its lung liquid, takes a big gulp of air and then breathes out, its life has began.
Likewise, once a human stops breathing for an extended period of time, it is dead.
Of course, you are welcome to your opinion, but that’s all it is… just like mine.
That’s a weird definition of “life.” It breathes, therefore it’s alive? Like I said, many things don’t have lungs that are alive (and yes, when you are trying to define “life,” giving definitions of living things, like bacteria, are important to establishing definitions). The fetus clearly isn’t inorganic matter. It has the capacity for growth, functional activity, and continual change. Therefore, it is alive.
But that’s not even the point. The point is “pro-life” is a misnomer because a lot of things are alive. Just consult any 4th grade biology textbook. The point for someone who is pro-life isn’t that the fetus is “alive.” It is that the fetus is a human person.
> That’s a weird definition of “life.” It breathes, therefore it’s alive?
Yes, if it is a human. Let’s leave other life forms out of this since the abortion debate is only about humans, human life and when human life begins. The definition of “life” varies across different organisms.
And please don’t call my opinions “weird.” I do not use derogatory words to describe your opinions. My beliefs are not weird to me and I suspect you would not appreciate someone calling your beliefs weird.
> the fetus is a human person
Saying that a fetus is a human person is like saying that an acorn is an oak tree. I do not agree on either point. You state your opinions as if they were facts.
More specifically, the fetus is not –according to my definition– a living person. The moment it takes its first breathe it become a living human person.
All that being said, you are free to embrace and promote a different opinion than mine.
Okay, so now you’re saying that the definition of life changes based on the species of creature? We can say breathing is a condition of life if it is human, but its not a condition of life if it is something else? I’m not familiar with anyone who defines “life” this way. Usually the field of biology tries to apply broader definitions to terms that apply to a large swath of creatures.
But, like I said, the definition of “life” is a bit of a moot point since “pro-life” is a misnomer—at least for most people I know who are pro-life.
I’m confused about something you said: you said one of the conditions for “life” is that it is breathing, but only if it is also human; then you said a fetus isn’t a human person. Since you agree the fetus is a human (otherwise you have to abandon your whole breathing-is-a-condition-for-life rhetoric), is the problem the word “person”?
Your acorn-is-an-oak-tree analogy is a bit odd. That’s like saying, “A fetus isn’t an adult,” or “A fetus isn’t a teenager,” or something of that nature. Since you agree the fetus is human—which is just to state the fetus is one of our species—we can say the same thing about acorns. An acorn is simply an oak nut: the same species as the full grown oak tree. I’m confused why you would even use this analogy.
Sorry for all the questions. I’m trying to understand where you’re coming from.
> Since you agree the fetus is a human
No I don’t… Not at all. Please do not put words in my mouth. Quite obviously a fetus is not a human.
A fetus is a fetus. It is not a human being, nor is it alive. When the fetus is born and begins to breathe on its own it becomes a living human. That’s my deeply held belief, which –like your deeply held belief– is MERELY AN OPINION.
I have no interest continuing this debate. I am not trying to change your mind… feel free to embrace your opinions. But please realize that they are opinions, not facts.
You might consider adding that to the list of things you teach your children.
My mistake. Thanks for clarifying. So it becomes both a human and a person when it takes air into its lungs? That’s fascinating! I never knew something could change its species simply by taking an action. You’re a clever one with all these precise definitions.
Oh Luke and Trisha, I so want every child in America and the world to be trained this way!!
God bless your family!!
I agree.
Thank you Trisha for such a well written article, and thank you both for your thorough (and well articulated) involvement in the comments.
You’re welcome!
Thank you for this article!
Personally I have been struggling with this issue in my heart. When I got pregnant with my oldest son we were 19. It was my opinion that abortion, adoption and raisling the baby were my options. My fiance (now my husband) told me it was not just my choice and that he would not allow an abortion because that life is precious. Still unconvinced I reluctantly agreed. Hearing my baby’s heartbeat for the first time is what set my mind that we would do whatever it took to have this child. This whole sequence helps me to see both sides. Barely on our own, living 4 hours apart, young, attending college and unsure of how to do it all it seemed that it would be okay to “opt out”. It is my right to choose as it is every woman’s right after all. Our son however is 6 now and I would not take back a second of every struggle we have had.
Our church just had a pro life silent protest. They stood at a major intersection in town and held up signs stating that a fetus is a life. I did not participate and it has plagued me ever since. I found it closed minded, closed hearted and ignorant. A woman who is considering an abortion met with only judgment is not like to change her mind. But she is in a place where the love of Christ is going to be needed the most and the most effective. She is scared, unsure, alone, sad and often unsupported. How much better would my fellow church members time have been spent talking to a woman in this situation, telling her that she is worthy of God’s love, helping her to navigate the new waters of parenthood and reminding her that even if she makes the choice she is forgiven and loved, that God will not turn his back on her. To still rally around her and love her through the guilt and grief and remind her that God’s love can be never be taken by any sin and that she is still worthy of love. This is the problem hat has been weighing on my heart. Often we as Christians can feel that just informing someone on the life inside their body is enough, that convincing them that life is precious and to be birthed is enough and then we walk away. But parenthood is so so so much more than just giving birth.
A pastor at my previous church once said “someone died today” everyone looked around and after a brief silence he said “Someone died today, so do not assume that someone will do it”. There are pregnancy resource centers and grass root movements but to assume that someone like them will step in and do this is ignorant. Someone died today and we as Christians and in general all decent human beings have a responsibility to look after the family we helped create by saving that baby’s life.
Again thank you for this article and for the comments following, it healed some of the turmoil in my heart and helped me give a voice I have felt unable to speak at my own church. It would be awesome to see a continuation of this, something like the nuts and bolts of having these conversations with our children and maybe something on how we can help to ease the burden of having a child for these mothers whom we convince to save a precious life (aftercare if you will).
Thank you so much for sharing your testimony. You’ve certainly underscored why it’s so important we don’t just “preach” about being pro-life but we love and support the women who are bringing babies into this world in difficult circumstances.
I just stumbled upon this article via Pinterest. Two quick things: (1) you have the patient of Saints in regards to the comments; and (2) what a FANTASTIC article! Thank you and God bless you and your family!
Thanks, Meredith! 🙂
Many of these comments focus of the extreme cases of rape and incest, but the fact is that these situations make up a tiny minority of abortions. I’m not speaking about those,but those who fell pregnant ‘accidentally’.
To those who insist that it’s s woman’s body and therefore her right to choose, I would agree- she made her choice, with her body, when she engaged in sexual activity. Pregnancy then is the consequence of the choice she made. As soon as a baby is involved, it may be within her body, but it is not her body. She has absolutely no legitimate right whatsoever to end that life.
Besides, abortion has been linked to increased rates of maternal depression, suicide, infertility and cancer. It is bad for women and it destroys a baby.
I cannot believe that anyone who has the slightest respect for humanity would support such a barbaric atrocity.
I liked how you said that abortion is a human issue when teaching kids about the subject. My wife and I are wanting to start a family and we are wanting to know how we could talk to our children about sensitive subjects. I’ll be sure to tell her that we should teach our kids about abortion and how it’s a human issue.
This is an incredible blog on abortion! I’ve just started to research this topic and got to learn so many things. Thank you.