Breastfeeding has been one of the most important parts of our “attachment parenting” journey for our son thus far, and I absolutely love being able to share about that experience with others—including our (sometimes controversial) breastfeeding and co-sleeping relationship.
I strongly advocate for co-sleeping whenever it’s possible to do safely, especially in the first year of life. A human infant (or any mammal baby for that matter) is not designed to leave the womb and be left alone to sleep.
You may have heard some claim that a baby should be left alone to “self-soothe” or “self-comfort.” These simply are not skills an infant is born with.
What is co-sleeping?
Before I get too far, we better define our terms. What do I mean by “co-sleeping?”
I only recently discovered the term “co-sleeping” in general means “sleeping in close proximity to your baby.” This can mean sharing a bed or just sharing a room.
However, when I say “co-sleeping” I mean exactly what it sounds like—sleeping in the same bed as your child (sometimes this is referred to as a “family bed” or “bed-sharing”). For the purposes of this article, when I say co-sleeping, I mean bed-sharing.
And when I recommend co-sleeping, I always recommend mamas understand safe co-sleeping and breastfeeding practices. Dr. James J. McKenna, Professor of Biological Anthropology and Director of the Mother-Baby Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame outlines safe co-sleeping guidelines here.
Benefits of Breastfeeding and Co-sleeping for the Child
1. Better sleep
Babies wake at night. It’s normal. It’s natural. It isn’t something we should fight.
But when baby wakes to nurse at night, when mama is right there, they don’t have to completely rouse from slumber. Instead, they can be quickly comforted and nursed back to sleep.
A recent study shows co-sleeping babies spend more time in the same stage of sleep as their mamas (this is a win-win for both moms and babies).
2. Despite scary ad campaigns, co-sleeping is safer (when done right)
When a baby sleeps close to their mother, their physiology mimics that of the mom, just like in the womb. This keeps baby’s heart rate steady, breathing remains stable, and they can better regulate their body temperature. Dr. McKenna argues,
…infants require this contact and proximity especially because of nutritional needs (breastfeeding) but also because of the immaturity of their thermo-regulatory, immune and cardio-respiratory systems, in addition to their dependence on touch, all systems closely tied together to promote efficient functioning of all of the infant’s immature organs and the central nervous system in general.
– Dr. James J McKenna
This is especially important in the first year of life when SIDS is at its highest risk. In fact, studies have shown that in nations like Hong Kong where co-sleeping is the common practice, SIDS rates are very low. While the AAP does not recommend co-sleeping, they do acknowledge when baby is close to mom (in the same room) this is optimal and reduces the cases of SIDS.
3. Long-term emotional health
Numerous studies have shown children who co-sleep with their parents have…
- higher self-esteem
- more independence
- less anxiety
- deal better with difficult peer relationships
- tend to have more meaningful personal relationships as they more readily accept affection
- suffer from fewer psychological disorders
…compared to peers who did not co-sleep.
4. A great supply of milk
Maintaining a good milk supply demands you breastfeed around the clock, especially in the early months. This is tough to do at night if your child is in another room.
Babies who co-sleep tend to nurse on a better schedule at night, helping maintain a healthy supply of milk.
Benefits of Breastfeeding and Co-sleeping for Mama
5. Better and longer periods of sleep
Just as the baby benefits from better sleep, so does mama. When mama doesn’t have to get out of bed, but can gently pull baby close to nuzzle up to nurse, it’s so much easier to fall back to sleep.
When I began getting the age-old question, “Does he sleep through the night yet?” when my son was about a month old, my answer was always, “I honestly don’t know. I guess we both wake up a few times, but I don’t really remember.”
I don’t feel like a sleep deprived mama—that is probably the best benefit to me.
6. Nighttime feedings just got easier…
Anytime a mother says that they’re having a problem with breastfeeding or sleeping habits for baby, the first thing I always ask is: “Do you co-sleep?” Usually, the answer is no.
If there is one good way to ensure a healthier breastfeeding relationship with your child, it’s to co-sleep with them.
To be honest, I’m not sure how some mamas drag themselves out of bed several times a night to cross the hall and nurse baby sitting up in a chair. I couldn’t do it. Having my little one right beside me makes this process much simpler and we both lose so much less sleep! Happy baby. Happy mama.
7. Heightened sense of attachment and sensitivity
This is actually true for fathers or partners who co-sleep with their babies, as well as the nursing mother.
Being so close to a child as they sleep allows parents to develop a closer relationship and more fine-tuned sense of the child’s needs. This closeness at night translates to daytime care as well, allowing for a better emotional connection for the family in general.
8. Prolong child spacing benefits of breastfeeding
In order to delay the return of fertility, baby must be nursing exclusively, and regularly. And for many mamas, this means babies need to breastfeed regularly through the night. When baby is close to mama at night, they’ll breastfeed more frequently and you can take advantage of a delayed return of fertility.
9. The best part of waking up…
Is not Folgers in my cup, but a smiling cooing baby next to me. If that isn’t good for the soul, I don’t know what is!
More Resources on Breastfeeding and Co-Sleeping:
- Co-Sleeping and Bed-sharing at KellyMom
- Resources from the Mother-Baby Sleep Laboratory from Dr. James McKenna
- Bedsharing Babies from La Leche League
- The Safe Sleep Seven from La Leche League
. . .
I fell into co-sleeping by accident with my second child. I wanted to breast feed my first child so badly but getting out of bed 3 times a night and knowing I had to return to work in 8 weeks really stressed me out. After 4 months I completely gave up. When my son was born I decided I was going to do it differently and began letting him nurse at night in bed with us. Then I thought I had just gotten lazy – it was so much easier to keep him in bed with us and we all slept better. Happy, rested mommy = happy, rested baby so that worked and I nursed him for 14 months. I did keep it a secret from friends and family that we were co-sleeping. With my third child I got hold of The Baby Book by Dr. Sears – I felt liberated! A pediatrician was recommending to others in his book what I discovered naturally.
I breastfed/co-slept with all three of my babies. I can say it was easier by far than bottle feeding or getting up all night. My third child is still co-sleeping and nursing at 14 months (the longest yet!), but has never slept through the night 🙁
When Charis was born, I had NO intention of us co-sleeping, but when I had to get up numerous times a night to breastfeed her in a chair and fall asleep only to wake up with a stiff neck, I decided to try co-sleeping. It was AMAZING-I felt much more rested and the feedings were much easier.
Love it! Great post! We’ve been co sleeping for 5 years now (three kids until each were 2 years old – baby is not a year yet) and I will so miss the snuggles when they are gone!
I think you forgot to link to all of your citations.
Cosleeping is the only way in our house. This mama can’t function without the sleep bed sharing allows!
Trouble we are having is now that baby is more mobile, she wakes up add crawls around, etc. and I worry about her falling off etc. how do I teach ER to stay lying with me?
When I co-slept I had a bedside co-sleeper on one side (so my babies couldn’t crawl off the bed) and my husband on the other side. Either way baby was locked in! You could always look into bed rails? I know some people also end up just putting their mattress on the floor.
My two concerns that no one ever addresses, an maybe you could shed some light on:
1: How do you prevent this.from harming your personal and adult relationship with your husband?
2: (Maybe this is a silly fear) If you breast feed while basically asleep, don’t you risk suffocating the baby?
Sorry if these are un-educated questions, we are pregnant with our first baby 🙂
1. You find ways to get creative 🙂
2. The research I’ve read basically says there is no such thing as a completely risk-free sleeping environment. One of the benefits of having baby sleep with you is that researchers have found it actually helps regulate babies breathing and heart rate while sleeping since they are close to mom. Mothers who co-sleep tend to be very responsive and easily awoken. I know for me, when I breastfed in bed, it was more of a half-sleep. I wasn’t completely asleep (but it sure beat sitting up awake in another room). Suffocation is a very very small risk. If you find you are too deep of a sleeper and don’t wake in response to babies little noises and movements, then co-sleeping probably isn’t a good fit for you.
Never worry about asking questions around here. All education has to start somewhere and you won’t learn unless you ask! 🙂
Great bed sharing products to be found on etsy
You really need to be careful what you post on here. When you say things that aren’t true but people don’t take the time to look up whether you are correct or not, it can be dangerous. When you recommend things to people that are unsafe, but claim they are safe, you could be putting someone in danger. Nothing is perfect, but we can do our best to help protect the ones we love. Co-sleeping does increase the risk of SIDS. Please see this article (and many more) for evidence.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/21/co-sleeping-and-sids_n_3313648.html
Hi Carrie,
Thanks so much for stopping by and voicing your concerns. We try to take great care to post well-researched, truthful information on our site that will inform and benefit our readers. Though this was a guest post and not written by me, I published it because I agree with the points laid out in the post. Co-sleeping has been a controversial issue and will likely continue to be for quite some time. Despite this, I believe the research clearly shows there are more benefits to co-sleeping and that it does in fact DECREASE the risk of SIDS in infants.
The Huffington Post article you reference cited a meta-analysis recently conducted. Several scientists and medical organizations have criticized the meta-analysis because the data collected for this analysis was not done a systematic or comprehensive way. There are also other methodology concerns with this study too numerous to go into in a simple blog comment. I’d encourage you to look into the original journal article and then dig into each of the individual studies the paper drew it’s conclusions from. I believe you’ll see that there are indeed some glaring problems that nullify the conclusions.
Dr. James McKenna, Ph.D, one of the foremost SIDS researchers, amongst many other doctors and researchers advocates bed-sharing and co-sleeping (when done properly). Beyond that, study after study has shown that the cultures that have the highest percentage of families who practice co-sleeping also have the lowest rates of SIDS. There are also many many many studies that have been done that indicate that bed-sharing is indeed a safer option than placing your child in a crib. Just some food for thought as you determine how best to raise your children and what is right for your family.
Thank you for sharing the studies behind your case. I’ve read both sides over the years, and opted to safely co-sleep with my seven kids…not all at once, though. 😉
I’m getting a lot of pressure from both sides of the family to transition my 4 month old into her crib but I know it’s not right for us. She’s a very sound sleeper snuggled up next to me, but very restless otherwise. If I take a nap with her, she’ll sleep for and hour or two, whereas on her own, maybe 30 minutes. That alone to me is not worth giving up. I also breastfeed which like everyone says makes it so much easier at night… And I’m such a light sleeper, I wake up when she rolls from her side to her back so I don’t let the American Pediatrics Association scare me. The biggest benefit to me is the emotional bond. My husband was being very emotionally and verbally abusive when I was pregnant and she even used to get upset when she heard his voice for the first few weeks, so she’s a very insecure and sensitive baby. I know that having her snuggled up next to me is wiring her little brain to know what love and security feels like. She’s already blowing past milestones and so interested in exploring the world around her and I truly believe that some of it is certainly nature, but a really big part is nurture!
Hi Jacci,
That is hard when your family is pressuring you. It sounds like you know what is best for you and your baby though! Take care of that little girl and enjoy these few moments while she’s little. 🙂
HI! I just wanted to say thank you for this post! My four month old, daddy and I sleep together ( as well as the dog and two cats) and i have to say your so right. I have no idea if she sleeps thru the night but she always wakes up smiling and she only cries about 30 min a day total. And daddy knows her really well too. Im going to show everyone that judges us this. Everyone thinks we are messed up for cosleeping.
I miss my time co-sleeping!
Co-sleeping\breastfeeding working for me. At the time I was in the Army with little sleep as it was. I proudly nursed until my son turned 15 months. I would not recommend for someone who is a heavy sleeper. You still need to be alert! Breastfeeding was such a wonderful bonding experience. If you are having trouble please seek the help of a nurse lactation. Believe me the mommy classes sound cheesy and although they help its only a fraction of the learning needed to succeed!
We have had 6 babies in 7 years, and this time around we are co-sleeping 100%!! My daughter is sleeping better, I’m sleeping better, and my supply is still going strong with her having a bottle of milk only if I’m gone (and even the bc I nurse before I leave and try to be home in 2 hours or less). My husband was always paranoid because I would bring the babies in to nurse at night and fall asleep. With our 6th he was leary but I believe the evidence convinced him it is the best way. Although he blames co-sleeping for my daughter’s inability to be away from me without screaming. But with Babywearing and the fact that I’m home 24/7 most of the time, there really is no need for her to be away from me for long periods of time. ? Oh, and usually by now (3 months) I’m having to take supplements to keep my supply up, but not this time!
My name is oli and i love your story, i have 6 children and i did the same, we co sleep and sleep at night,and all of them sleep trough the night until 1 year of age that actually work pretty good.
Sorry for this long comment, but I am soooo passionate about this, and have, I think, a good deal of experience. This is a small bit of everything I have been wanting to say for years! Mamas who try to schedule their baby to get them sleeping through the night are the mamas I know who say breastfeeding does not help cause amenorrhea. My sister was into scheduling in a big way and her period always came back at 4 months. She had 3 kids, each one just 13 months apart and got so tired of being pregnant that they stopped having kids entirely. I have had four and it works for me, but I breastfeed intuitively (whenever, wherever, as much as baby wants). My children are very attached in a healthy, emotionally-secure way to both me and my husband. We are a very snuggly family. And my period didn’t come back until 23 months! My baby is 26 months old and still nurses at least once in the night. She doesn’t sleep the whole night in our bed anymore, but when she comes in, (our bedrooms are attached with a door I leave open at night) she just crawls into bed with us and nurses for as long as she wants and then goes back to her bed when she gets too crowded in our double bed. As far as our intimate life goes, it did not hurt us at all. The crib was in our room for a long time and we could move her, temporarily, into it. There were even a few times she was with us on the bed (she didn’t have a clue). She was usually asleep, or laughing and enjoying the bouncy bed. After almost 9 years of marriage, we still average 3-4 times per week minimum. Sorry if that is TMI, but you don’t know me and someone has got to say it. We all rest better with co-sleeping and I am very much aware of her and her physiology. If her breathing changes, I am immediately aware of it. I think if I had a baby stop breathing in the middle of the night, I would be able to awaken immediately and start CPR or whatever is necessary to help my baby, alternatively to waking up the next morning thinking how wonderful that she slept through the night (when that does happen, I am always worried and go check to make sure she is still alive), just to go into the nursery and find her dead. I have known people whose babies died from SIDs. Every last time, they had followed the “official medical professional” protocol. Well phooey on doctors! God gave me Mommy instincts, and any good doctor will tell you (and I have actually been told this by doctors) that Mommy instincts are often better and more accurate than a doctor’s. I am so close to my baby that I can tell if something is wrong. A doctor might think their breathing is fine for 5 minutes in their office, but when I am with my baby every night and their breathing starts to be different, I KNOW! I will always be a pro-co-sleeping Mama!